Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Pain and torture, for fun and pleasure

Yes, torture can be fun! If you have ever had to squirm in seats during a torture scene at the movies, realized that the clamps for that skirt hanger were the same distance apart as nipples, or that you just love the muffled sounds your partner makes when you bury their head in the pillows.

If this is you, then its time to learn about some simple torture that you can do at home in bed.

Since most likely you have already started exploring pain to these naughty areas, this is a good time to bring up clamps. The clamps themselves can take many forms (like all our toys) and can be as simple as some clothespins from your local dollar store to more expensive ones with jewels or chains attached to them. All clamps in essence do the same thing, putting pressure (or pinch) on a small part of the body. Most use springs to achieve this, others screw or rubber bands, and yet others use weight or another type of force to pinch.

While yes you can use your figures to do the same thing, clamps allow you to pinch more then just two areas at once, as well as to do so for a longer time then you might be able to with your thumb and forefinger alone. Clamps can also be used to lead someone or to hold them in place (He won't move his head if he knows that it will pull the rope attached to his gag and balls).

A word of warning with clamps, do not leave them on for more then 15 minutes or so. While the clamp is on, you are restricting blood flow to that area and after any longer then 15 minutes tissue damage can start to accrue (and do you really want to be known as the one that made your lovers nipples fall off?). Along these lines, once you have removed the clamp adding another sensation to that area can be all sorts of fun. As all the blood flows back into that area it will become extremely sensitive and makes for a great target for your tongue, hand, or toy.

Clamps are not just for the naughty areas, although you do get much better reactions from them when they are on the nipples, pussy, or cock. You can use them anywhere you can the enough skin to make them stay on. Some people have gone as far as to add rope or string to their clamps and make a zipper out of them. This way they can remove large numbers of them (say 30-50) all at once. You can also get creative by making patterns out of the clamps as they are on your bottom. Its all up to you and your bottom as to who much and what your going to try.

Other great items to bring into your collection as you move into intermediate bondage are gags. All kinds are out there, from basic ball gags to gags with feather dusters attached to them. Its really up to your personal preferences as to what you like (either to wear or to look at). I would recommend starting off with a simple leather strapped ball gag with buckle. Or if you wish to start off cheep, a plastic practice golf ball and a shoe lace will give you the same effect and cost you only a few bucks.

You should look around at all the gags that are available and choose one that you like. I hate to say it but you might have to try out a few different types or sizes before you find one that the bottom is going to like (or at least not bitch about constantly). Bare in mind that if your bottom has any dental problems, TMJ, lockjaw, or any other kind of jaw issue that they may not be able to use a gag for very long before it becomes incredibly painful. Hit up your local sex shop and see what they have or even peruse your favorite BDSM site for ideas of all the kinds of gags.

So there is a few ideas for torture. Start with these and see where it leads you.

Keep it Kinky!


Monday, December 13, 2010

Around the interwebs, by Haven

I have been asked repeatedly about where I shop , where I visit and such. So here it is, Havens Links List. These are in alphabetical order for ease and no other reason. For those without links, feel free to drop me a line and I will send you the contact info that I have for them.

Beautifully Chaotic Studios: Fetish photography at its finest in Southwest MI.
Intricate Decor Tattoos and Piercing: Best tattoo and piercing shop in Central MI. Well worth the drive to Mt. Pleasant.
Pain2Pleasure: Makers of lots of fun toys, including lollipop paddles, Pandora claws and lots of canes and floggers. Website coming.
Samos Floggers and Toys: Some of the best floggers that I have ever laid across an ass!
Sub-Shop.com: Great deals and have always been very pleased with anything that I have ordered and their customer service.

Places: Granted I don't get out to as many events as I used to do to life, but these are ones that we have been to or recommend.
Dark Nirvana: Great public play party in Detroit.
Detroit Space: Wonderful party and education in Detroit.
Kinky Individuals Near Kalamazoo: That about sums it up. Local munch to the Kalamazoo area.
West Michigan Rope: Great rope classes held all over west MI. Learn basics to "Holy carp! How dis they do that!"
Red Moon Rising Round Tables: Round table discussions about BDSM and kink.

Other web pages:
FetLife.com: So far the best BDSM, kink, and fetish social networking sites on the web. Great to find local people, talk about your kinks, and find events. In fact you can find great info about every event that I listed above on FetLife.

Well that's that basics, but as I find more that I like I will update this page.

Keep it Kinky!


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

An update

For all you following, an update.

I am currently working a turning a some of these posts about BDSM into a book. This has been taking up a lot of time. However I am also doing research into some more in depth blogs on some more advanced topics.

So please bare with me and more blogs are coming!

Keep it kinky!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Spanking, The Hand That Smacks the Ass

Ah, spanking, a disciplinary action from your youth now turned major turn on. There are many reasons that spanking becomes a fetish for people. From getting enjoyment from humiliation to masochism. What ever the reason, spanking is one of the most popular fetishes out there for both the giver or reviver. Below I shall give you some info on bringing bare handed, bare handed spanking into your sexual repertoire.

1. Is this spanking is for pleasure or pain? I look at it as pleasure and punishment.
2. Warm up or not to warm up... Again, if this is going to be a pleasurable warm the bottom up with some lighter spanks, trying to warm up the whole "bottom". Note some bottoms do not like to be warmed up and want to go straight to the "SPANK ME!" part. Its up to both of you to decide what you want to do.
3. Mix it up. I can't think of a single bottom that wants to be hit constantly as hard as they can take. Mixing in soft and hard swats not only keeps them guessing, but also give the bottom a brake so to speak. Also, by taking them back down with softer swats can make the harder ones seem harder at times. You can also mix up cupping you hand, using your finger tips, and palming to give different sensations.
4. Remember that a sore bottom will sometimes feel more pain then one that was not already been spanked. So the longer you spank, the less you have to hit to get the same level of pain. That is, until you get to the point where the the bottom is either in subspace or the feeling has gone out of their ass. At that point you have to be very careful not to hurt them because they are not going to feel it, at that time but you could do some serious damage.

That’s about it for spanking with hands. The nice thing about doing bare handing spanking is that you have more of an intimate connection with your bottom and in a fashion can only spank as much as you can take as well. Or at least, as hard as you are willing to take as you will feel the pain in your hand somewhat too.

Something else to keep in mind is in what position you are going to give/receive the spanking. The most popular are over the knee/lap, laying down, bent over or on all fours. Of those laying down is the easiest, it is an easy position for the reviver to relax in. Over the knee or lap can be lots of fun (and bring back memories of your past) but depending on physical make of the people involved might not work the best. Bent over or on all fours can be a bit hard on the receiver due to the ass being stretched and the muscles are tighter. A right muscle is going to hurt more for both involved.

I would like to also like to point out that there is a direct correlation between arousal and pain. In most cases, if the receiver is more aroused they will be able to take more and longer pain. Granted for some the pain is the arousal, but for others it might help to make sure that they are aroused before and during the spanking.

As with all my posts, feel free to comment and or shoot me a line at Havensov@Gmail.com.

-Haven De Lancret

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Get back that old time feeling

This is a reminder to all couples out there. Do you remember what it was like when you first started dating your SO? What did you spend hours doing? You spent hours exploring each other, kissing, making out, and just enjoying being with that person. It was not about getting right to the sex.

I think that over time that couples loose sight of that as they spend more years together. You might find that it is something that you are missing. Its not that either of you did it on purpose, it just happens with the familiarity that comes with being together for the time you have.

In the beginning you were learning about each other, what pleases that person, what they like or don't and what turns them on. Now that you have been with them for as long as you have, you know right what to do to get them going. Not that you should forget that, you should just slow down and explore each other while turning each other.

So take some time, slow down, and act like high school/collage kids again!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Friday, August 20, 2010

Finding another.

So you want to find someone to have some fun with? This is a common question that I get from both singles or couples. How do you find that person, where do I look for them, etc... So here are a few thoughts on how to find that other person.

I want to start by pointing out that to find someone (for just a little fun or for a long term relationship) you need to just be you. Yes, strange as that sounds, just be you. If you are faking yourself, or putting on an act to try and attract someone then you are lying to them about how you really are. The person you want to attract is someone that is attracted to you for you and not some fake you (Leave the make believe to sparkly vampire movies).

That being said, you should also not dwell on your search for another. No one wants to be around someone that is constantly bitching about how they don't have someone, or that they are lonely. This also ties into the first part of being yourself. If you are dwelling on your loneliness then you are not being you, or at least the fun version of you that others will be attracted to. So try very hard not to think about your loneliness and focus on just being a happy.

Where do you look? EVERYWHERE!!! No really, you never know where you might find that other person anywhere you go during your everyday life. From the gas station to the local munch, a friends party to any other social gathering. Just be open to meet new people and keep that little of thought of “could they be the one?” as you go through your day. You never know when that new person will fall onto your lap in tight pleather pants...

So what if you have been doing that, looking around as you go about your daily life... What else... Get the fuck out of the house! Get out and socialize more. Put down the TV remote, the game controller, shut off the computer (NOT NOW, wait till your done reading this, then shut it off) and get out. See if any of your friends are throwing a party, find a local club to join for a hobby of yours, or join a sports team.

Oh, and before you say “None of my friends are throwing a party?” Then take some initiative, and throw one yourself and invite your friends with instructions to bring other friends with them. Another idea is set up an open night at your house for friends to come over. Make it a game night, or movie night. Let you friends know that every Wednesday (or any day) you open your doors for them to come over and do what ever. Let them know they can bring other friends with them when you are showing the new Vampire movie, or that you have picked up a new adult game.

So there you are, few ideas to help you find someone...

As always, feel free to comment or add your own thoughts (anonymously even) or if you have personal question you can send it to Havensov@gmail.com.

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Revised Kinky list up!

Yes it is, with lots of new additions, some changes, and more fun!

It can be found here!

Have fun and keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Threesomes, The Mathosexual Possibilities of +1

This has got to be one of the most popular fantasies out there. The thought of being with two members of your sexual preference has crossed just about everyone’s mind at some point. It becomes an even hotter fantasy when including someone that you have an intimate connection with (like your SO). But it can also be the fastest way to ruin friendships, lose lovers, or end a marriage.

With that in mind, I thought that I would tell you my thoughts and offer “Havens Guide to Happy Threesomes”. No this is not a guarantee that by following these steps that things are not going to end in a disaster, but I can tell you that following these steps has made so that friendships are not lost, feelings are not hurt and even if the threesome doesn’t happen that the other relationships are still there.

Since most threesomes happen while already in a committed relationship, I am going to write this towards that situation. But really, these can work as well if its three single people to some extent.

I want to start by facing why threesomes can end badly... Can you guess what the biggest reason? Times up, JEALOUSY!!! , The green eyed monster. This the biggest hurdle when having a threesome is dealing with that jealousy. So let’s find out why people get jealous.

Think about your fantasy of the threesome, not just the hot sex part, but really think about it. It involves your SO, you, and... Who? , A celebrity? , A no face, no name body? These are the most common “third party” in fantasies. Rarely have I heard that in the fantasy is the third party an ex lover, or someone that you already know. The reasons I point this out is because feelings can change once a face that you both know gets added to that fantasy. What was once a hot fantasy figure now has a face and now you are getting jealous that “Bob” is really enjoying that blowjob from your SO.

This is where “Moving at the speed of comfort” comes into play. In a threesome, or any fantasy, you should move at the slowest persons comfort level. Along those line, the one being shared (which usually an SO) should NEVER think that their SO’s feelings are wrong. You may be enjoying what’s going on, but if your SO is not, for ANY reason, then that should be your primary concern and not how close to getting your cookie you were. If you don’t then these steps are useless to you.

Ok, so you have heard my warnings, you have found a willing third party, and you want to have your threesome. GREAT, it can be an absolutely fantastic time. Especially in a 2 on 1 situation, the “1” is going to be getting a lot of attention. Now it’s onto the what.

In your planning your threesome, the place is very important, at least for the first few times that you do anything. The first times should be in a neutral place, like a hotel room. This way everyone has somewhere to go back to, and if things do go bad, a place that will not remind them of what happened all the time. Also, threesomes should NEVER take place in the couple’s bedroom; I feel that this is a sacred place and should be left that way. Yes if things are great, then you have now worries, but if things go bad once you start doing things at your own house then you will again have a safe haven to go to.

You are going to want to go through the following steps with a talk break in between each. By this, you should stop all contact between the three of you, light a smoke, get a drink and talk about what’s just happened. How does everyone feel, HONESTLY? Is everyone still comfortable, everyone still happy at what’s going on?

Ok, now since there are three of you, and two that probably have some sexual history by this point I want to point out that even though the SO’s have been down this road before, you CAN NOT rush into what you have already done and jump steps. To do so while making the third party stay at different level of contact is rude and can make them feel left out now. So, all three people must stay at the same step. So if you’re just making out, then it’s making out for EVERYONE. Got it??? Ok....

As you move from step to step, remember that it is the third party that you are all here for. They should always be the first one to have the next step. The couple has already done all these things, so it would be rude to do them in front of them before they get a chance to do it when they are the “new” toy. In the same line of thought, the active member of the couple should always be the one making the initiation of each new step. This will make the third party feel welcomed and invited as opposed to feeling like they are pushing in on the established couple.

Now these are slow steps, and it will take more time than just getting to the fucking, but by taking your time and doing it right you can decrees the chances that anyone is going to get hurt. So take your time, and do not be afraid to spread these steps over a few encounters to see how things work. Remember, move at the speed of comfort for everyone.

The Steps...

Start with just flirting with the third party, if it’s a FMF situation then start by having the male flirt with the 2nd female. Just plain old, talking, leaning in close, maybe talking with hands on legs, etc... You know, pretend like you’re going to pick her up. Now in most cases this has already happened by the time you get to have the threesome, but I still wanted to point it out.

The Kiss:
And just that, a soft kiss between with the third party. And stop at one, I know this may sound silly but trust me, seeing your SO kiss someone other than you or their parents can turn you hot and bothered boyfriend into the biggest asshole. So just one and stop...

Ok, now it’s time for a bit more intimate, longer, lingering, deeper kissing... Maybe a little tongue play, but keep it small and quick. Also start to hold each other close. Do this for no more than a half an hour or so before taking your break.

High School Make Out:
Just what it sounds like, start making out like you’re in high school again (just not like me in HS). Deep kissing, hands exploring all over each other’s bodies ABOVE the clothes, holding close, grinding into each other, and all the sighing and gasps that come.

Let get ready to FONDLE:
Time for some clothes to come off or at least be moved aside. And remember to include everything that you have done up to this point (kissing and such) otherwise, well, it just don’t work. Feel the weight of that breast, give him a good stroke. Either under the clothes or just remove them. Do this for awhile but make sure no one gets to carries away... IE no one gets a cookie!

Wet your lips:
Everyone good so far? Good, time to see how your oral skills are, and I do not mean vocal questions. So lick your lips, and kiss your way to those naughty spots and see how they taste. Enjoy this for no more then 30 minutes for each person. Now if this is where things are going to end for this encounter then by all means make sure everyone gets a cookie... or two... If this not where you are going to stop, then no cookie for you!

Tab A into Slot B:
You have made it this far... Now it’s time to get everyone happy! But keep it simple and probably to missionary sex for the first round. Don’t worry, if you have gotten this far then you will be ready for more again, and again.... and.... again....

More than Missionary:
Ok, final step... at this point everything goes, have fun... fucking! Save one piece... If you or any of you enjoy anal sex, keep that as one more step. Or, if it’s within the SO that do, do like the porn stars and keep that for you.

If at any point that anyone feels anger, jealousy, bad, or even slightly unsure about anything that happening, speak up and stop all fun. This is no time to hold your tongue. If someone does say stop, then the others involved need to stop, even if you are about to have the biggest orgasm you have ever had. Now all of you need to talk about what happened. Was it just when someone bite the others neck? If so, will not doing that be enough to get back to the steps.

If not, then no one should feel bad about calling a stop to things. It is ok to call a stop to things, go home sleep on it, and maybe decide that it’s not that big of a deal and want to try again, or that no, you can’t deal with it. That is fine, that is why you are taking it slow.

If someone calls stop, they do not have to give a reason, just being uncomfortable is enough to call stop to things. This is how relationships are maintained, and things are kept from blowing up in everyone’s face.

As always, keep it kinky and have fun!


Saturday, June 12, 2010

The Sensual Sadist

Mr. Webster says the definition of Sensual is “relating to or consisting in the gratification of the senses or the indulgence of appetite.” When it comes to a scene, Sensual play is all about the senses. More to the point, your bottoms (the receiver) senses of touch, sight, scent, and hearing. The Top (the giver) plays these senses like one would play a musical instrument.

So, in a way even hard play (like hard paddling) is sensual play because you are indulging your bottoms sense of touch (or physical feeling) by giving them the good pain of that paddle. It is with this belief that I view myself as a “Sensual Dominant”. I view all my bottoms senses as something to “play” with during a scene.

Now a days it is more commonly thought that sensual play is the “soft” side of BDSM play. This is partly true as most of the actions are softer then say, a hard paddling, but I know that a soft touch can draw forth reactions just as much as that hard paddling. It can be the same reactions, sometimes... But is not the reaction the reason for the play?

What kinds of toys are sensual? Any can be. You can caress with any toy you have in your bag. From canes, crops, paddles, rope, gags, anything. For me there is a few different reasons for caressing with a toy during a scene. One of which is, it gives the bottom a small amount of down time when switching toys. Another is, if the bottom can not see what the next toy is, you get to play a little “Guess the Toy” while you are caressing them with it.

Caressing is not just for toys. It can also be with your hands during spanking or scratching. Your whole body caressing the one side of your bottom while you caress the other with the toy. Or even just your breath as you whisper what you are going to do to them or that they are doing well. Think of all of this just like the different kinds of sex. You can make passionate, slow love making or hard, fast fucking!

That is not to say that “soft” is bad or good, it is all up to how you want to scene (although some might think that if its not hard, then its not BDSM). To those I say this, by being “soft” with a toy your “hard” play will feel all the harder. Think of it like this. Remember eating a Popsicle and how cold it was? Now think of drinking a very hot cup of coffee and then eat that same Popsicle... It feels colder, but is it really any colder then before? So by mixing in some “soft” play you can make you bottom feel like you are playing even harder.

Another use of sensual play is to do something sensual before you start a hard scene. Like, giving them a massage before the scene. Your bottom will be more relaxed and be clay in your hands for the scene (I know, be nice to your bottom, the horror!).

Now how much sensual you throw into a scene or into your dynamic is completely up to you. Sensual play is just another tool for you to use in your play, your scenes, and your life. So mix it up a little, have fun with it, and remember, its your kink!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Friday, May 21, 2010

Its not about the erection...

I know, but really, sex is not about the erection. Sex should be about the feelings, the touching, the sharing, the exploration, and the pleasing. Lets face it, a women does not "need" an erection to get off. Don't believe me, look at lesbian porn...

What is needed for great sex is a connection and communication. We all know that you can buy pricks at any adult store or even make one out of a cucumber. So now that I have deflated all your male egos. Oh and all the "but its the motion of the ocean" comments are bull...

How do you get around that (and this goes for everyone) is to talk and find out what makes your SO tick, floats their boat, or any other analogy. Now that communication can be as simple as a pick up line and "Lets go back to my place to fuck!" Can that lead to great sex, yes.


Because everyone gets all hung up on communication being spoken. Communication is anything that can get your message across. You can tell you partner that you like what they are doing by saying "I like that baby" just as well as a head thrown back, heavy breathing, and a guttural moan from deep within.

Reading your SO's body language (Just ask Ariel). But thats a blog for another day.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Looking for new questions or possible myths

I want to hear your questions about sex or kink!

I am looking for new blogs to write as well as working on a blog about dispelling myths about sex and kink. I have heard a fair amount, but I want to here yours and might find some new ones!

You can write them as a comment here, send me a message, or an email.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Chivalry is not dead...

Chivalry has just been resting, but sometimes it gets kicked back down. Just because I open a door for someone does not mean that I don't think that you can't do it. Its not that I by opening that door that I do not believe in equal rights for women... So don't give me shit when I do!

Same goes if I offer to pay for dinner... So whats the problem? Is it so bad that I still wish to be courteous, respectful, or just nice.

The long and short of it is, I will still open doors and do as I feel is being respectful... Even if I get shit from time to time...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

What I needed to know about BDSM, I learned in Kindergarten

When it comes to BDSM, kink, and public play it really does come down to a few simple rules. Most of which we have been told since we were kids, but that some time people need to be reminded of these or some feel that because we, as a community are so open, that some of these rules do not apply.

So in no particular order...

1. If its not yours, DO NOT TOUCH IT! This goes for someones toys, body, SO, everything. If you do not own it, then you should not touch it/them. Asking politely will get you far, especially since we are such an open community.

2. Always were clean underwear. Remember that one? Well it fits not just for underwear, but for all your dress. Do not go to a public function, play party, or even to a date with your SO in dirty clothes! Now its not because you might be in car crash (but if you are in a crash, you have probably shit yourself already) but because you should always look good.

3. Put thinks away. This goes for even if you are at a munch or at home. Take care of your toys, take your empty glasses to the bar, and pick up after your self (Even if it is what the waitress is paid for) you will leave a better impression on the staff of our community.

4. Do not bother others. If someone is playing, or talking, or anything do not be rude and bother them. Wait for a proper time to talk or interject.

5. No means NO. I know that should not need to be said, but the end all is if someone tells you "NO" it means NO damnit! If its asking to use a toy, to touch someone, or to offer some advice.

The end all of this is respect. Respect others and their property. So if you are not going to be respectful, then stay home and for our sakes stay the hell off the internet too. Go pop in some cheep porn and have your jollies by yourself and leave the rest of us alone!

Now if you can follow these simple rules, then come one down to your local munch or event and lets have some respectful fun!

Keep it kinky!

Haven De Lancret

Monday, April 12, 2010

Who you are...

After a discussion earlier this morning I feel the following needs to be said. To start ask yourself these questions. Who are you? What makes you, you? Is it one piece of your life? NO.

It is a common belief that certain parts of your life are what define you. This is absolutely wrong. You are not just one part of your life, it is all of those aspects of your life that make you, you.

Some believe that its their relationship that defines them. That being married, or being with someone is their life. While I do believe that if your in a relationship that is should be a big part of your life, it is not all there is. You can still live a very fulfilling life without someone as your partner. You still have other friends, family and people in your life to share your experiences with.

Others believe that its their job that defines them. This is again wrong, if all you live for is your job then wheres the fun? Hell, even those that have great jobs (porn star comes to mind) don't work all the time. They do other things to have fun. While your job is important (or how the hell are you going to pay for all your toys) it is again, not you.

Along these same lines, I want to point out that like the two above examples, you are not your hobbies either. I can't count the number times that I have heard jocks about people that all they do is play WOW. Being know for just that, well, again makes for a very poor life.

You are not your relationship, your job, you hobbies, your tittles, or your house... Each of these are just aspects of your life, but all of these together make you. Why am I going over this?

If one of these aspects changes then your life is not over. Divorce, layoff, changing friends, interests, or other changes in life does not mean that your life is over. Its just a small change in what is you. Just because you get laid off does not mean you stop liking to eat ice cream. Divorce does not mean that you will never stop liking action movies (Unless of course you only watched them because of your spouse).

I hope that you get the idea here. All the aspects of your life make up you. So enjoy your aspects of you, enjoy life, and if one changes then go forth and enjoy the aspects you have left and live your life to the fullest!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Fun Easter ideas...

Easter is all about finding the eggs, right... Well lets not go straight to the ovaries for them, thats to easy. But here is another idea, why should the kids have all the fun.

Tonight, why not hide some naughty items around the house for your SO to find. Maybe hide a new sexy outfit for them to wear, or a new toy. You could even leave notes or cards on where they should look.

The big thing is to have fun. If your parents you have been working setting up a great Easter for your kids, so why not make Easter evening about you and your SO.

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Thursday, March 25, 2010

10 Things that piss me off.....

Since I have started blogging, I have ranted, I have raved, I have bitched, and I have kibitz.  I have hit on allot of subject, but there are those things that piss me off, not enough to deserve an entire blog about them, but enough that they should be noted.

So here they are, the Top 10 Things that piss me off.... Some.

10. Spam- Ok, so this pisses everyone off.  And it seems no matter how I set my rules or anti-spam program it never works right.  If the rules are to high now the important email about someone posting new photos in the family album on Yahoo is getting deleted.  Set to low and your bombarded with offers for penny stocks and Viagra.  I'm 27, I don't need Viagra! A pair of fishnet thigh highs gets the same result!

9. Thermal Mugs- Ok, now this is one of those that I love them.... Until they don't work!  Your sitting there at work or on the road, nice steaming hot cup of joe, slowly sipping it and trying to enjoy this miserable thing called morning.  When, with half a mug left its suddenly cold.  WTF, it’s like it hits that half way mark and suddenly the time space continuum stops and the coffee disappears to Zimbabwe, gets ice cold, then teleports back to your cup... All in the time that it take for you to reach for another sip!

8. Fatty Bacon- You all have done it, well, at least all of you that have made BLT's or tried to cook you lover breakfast in bed.  You get a nice package of bacon, all nice and red.  You open it up to cook, and the top piece is the only one that has any meat on it, all the rest are 75% fat and grease.  To me this constitutes false advertising and the meat packers should be ashamed of themselves.  I mean come on, this is amount to meeting a hot girl on line just to find out it’s your sisters ex-husband.

7. Shoes- Not woman's, I love woman's shoes and boots... ON MY WIFE!!  No, lets discuss the seldom mentioned problem with mens shoes...  Like, that there are very few styles, and they change with the season.  I like hiking boots, but for some reason the shoe industry has decided that carpenter boots are the boots that shoes stores are going to carry.  I hate tennis shoes for the lack of ankle support, and I hate heavy work boots because they slow me down.  But apparently the shoe industry thinks that Guys care more about what rappers are wearing and think that if J-Z wears it n a video then that’s what every guy will wear.

6. Fugly people- Ok, so this one can be touchy.  Let me explain before you think I'm more of an ass then I really am.  It’s those fugly people that are fugly because they don't take care of themselves.  You know the ones that have lost most of their teeth, look like they haven't bathed since birth, and smell like day old fish.  People who are born ugly, ok, tough brake.  No, I'm referring to mister gas station attendant that’s always working the late shift.  How hard is it to take a fucking shower.  Come on, this is basic human hygiene.  Or has that been cut form out school budget too...

5. Pot Holes- Tire eaters, Pits of doom, Muffler Man Money Maker. Whatever you call them, they suck.  And here’s what gets me, in Greece they are driving semi's on roads that were built by hand more than centuries ago that have no pot holes, not problems what so ever, and here in the 21 century you could have your sports car totaled by a pot hole!  WTF, things are supposed to get better with time (Like wine and women) not worse!  Oh wait, that’s right, we need to make sure that those workers will be kept employed.  Mean while you’re paying for it in tire damage.  You want save tax dollars, build the fucking roads so they last and were not shelling out millions a year on road work!

4. Batteries-This one is simple and straight to the point.  Batteries that die within hours of putting them into your remote.  New batteries mind you, not ones I took out of my kids walk man so that I can be a lazy bastard.  No, those ones will work for days.  Two words for ya, expiration date!

3. Damaged Mail- Ok, how many times have you asked for a catalog or paid for a magazine, waited on tooth and nail for it to arrive just to have the cover torn up and the one article on what lipstick looks more whoreish (So you can buy some for your girl) that you wanted to read is soaked, ripped, or in any other way ruined.  Come on, if you damaged that mail, don't crush my dreams by giving me the broken pieces, send it back for me damn it.  I know that accidents happen, but would you think that at some point a HUMAN would see the damage and ask "Maybe this should be replaced", oh wait, again, more machines... doing the damaging.. I mean sorting.

2. Forum Etiquette- Again simple...  Why do people feel that they can be pricks and assholes when hiding behind a screen name on a forum.  Whether you say it in person or while hiding behind some avatar of a sheep flipping you off its still going to hurt the person your aiming for.  Just because you don't think they can fire back at you because they don't know where you live ( you know, in your moms basement because you have no ambition or life) that it won't come back to you.  Well it will, maybe not from the girl you made cry by saying she looked fat in the photos she posted, but maybe in the cold pizza that you got, you remember, the one with the weird "extra" topping...
And Number 1 is....

1. Bad Porn- Look, porn is like pizza, yes, even when its bad, it’s still ok.  But let’s face it.  If all your looking for is something to get your rocks off, fine anything will do.  But, if you looking for that porn to watch with a "special" someone, you want it to be good... One because once you seen good porn, the bad shit looks even worse than before.  Second, good porn you won't turn off after you have had some fun, no, you keep watching it, then things start to get going again.. then, next thing you know its 6am and you have been doing the wild thing for so long you have rug burn in places you didn't know touched the floor.  What does bad porn get you... you spend more time flipping through the scenes to find one that you like then you do having fun.  Usually by the end you feel cheated because you wasted your hard earned money on this piece of shit.  About the only saving grace would be that you either borrowed it from a friend so you didn't lose any money or that you take the DVD and get a cool monster off it when playing "Monster Rancher"
Ok, so those are my top 10 things that piss me off some.

What are yours? You know you have them, if you want, post them here are a response, or post your own blog about them.

Until next time, when the topic will be world peace and lack of getting laid in religious leaders... a connection?

-Haven De Lancret

Sexual Tech

It will come as no surprise to any of you that I like sex... "Duh Mr. Obvious, who doesn't!" Ya Ya I know, anyway, I am also intrigued by anything that can be used to enhance sex.  Now if you’re the kind of person that thinks "spicing it up" is fucking with the lights on, or going down on her, or screaming "Ride me cowgirl" when she’s on top, then go read sex for dummies and come back here when you’re done.

For the rest of you that are know that there is a difference between fucking, sex, and love making then keep on reading.  Sex and technology, what a wonderful idea.  Now I know that I may be in the minority with the general population being that I am male and love sex toys of all kinds.  Let’s face it, 75% of sex toys are geared for insertion, and only 35% or something of males are into that particulate kink. 

Me, not one of them, but I still love them.  Why?  because to me a vibrator or dong is nothing more than tools for sex and not my "competition".  Face it men, the only thing that’s going to get you replaced by a fucking machine is if you are a complete asshole with no worry or interest in her feelings.  But if you really are that kind of person, most likely she will just leave you for someone that satisfies her in bed and takes out the garbage without throwing a guilt trip.  Anyway, I digress...

Sex and technology, first, the hand held massager.  What a wonderful invention.  Then insert-able vibrators, and the ball was rolling.  Now you can buy a vibe with clit and anus stimulator, moving internal beads, thrusting action, and the whole unit is rechargeable!.  Add to that the emergence of teledildonics (Computer added sexual pleasure) with MP3 player vibes that vibrate to the beat of the music to the USB powered vibrators that run off the power from the USB port on your computer.  You can even hand control of your vibe to someone on the Internet(well, the speed of the vibrations, you still have to insert it yourself).  Talk about cybersex (On a side note, I think the US government should give every married couple in the military that are shipped overseas access to these).

And it’s not just the sex toys that have been helped out by technology.  Look at all the different types of lubes available now, flavored, warming, long lasting, hell there’s almost three time more from just when I started having sex.... um, way back when...  And technology have increased other things that can be used in adult fun.  Hell, used to be only the well off had a video camera and could make home movies, now just about everyone has a digital video camera, web cams, digital cameras.  Remember what you had to use before to get those naughty pics of your girlfriend? (Anyone else seen the drop in Polaroid’s since the digital cameras came out... Ya, family picnic my ass) Hell you got cameras in most cell phones.

So to all of you out there in the world, have fun, be safe, but for your own sake get laid!!!

-Haven De Lancret

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Red Moon Rising Round Table 3/20/10

A great time was had by all. The discussion topic was "Event Etiquette at a Public Play Party" and was a very lively discussion indeed (For those that do not know, a public play party would be a fetish event where people engage in scenes in a public dungeon setting). I feel everyone walked away a little more informed and a little more wiser for their time. Thanks again to the RMR/TMP staff that helped with this great event.

The highlights of the discussion were many but these are the ones that stuck out in my mind after 24 hours, little sleep, and some very intense play.

Toy Offerings: If your going to interact with someone else scene you should always start off with a quite, unimposing suggestion. Like holding a toy up that you are offering. After that you let the Top of the scene decide if they are going to banter with you and set the "scene" per say as to what other interactions the Top wishes to engage in.

Banter: This comes down to how well you know the people involved and how they play. Just like offering a toy into a scene, you should start quite and unobtrusive to those in the scene. If the Top want to banter, then leave it to the Top of that scene to start the banter.

Touching: This goes back to preschool to me. If its not yours, DO NOT TOUCH IT! Basically, do not physically involve your self in a scene unless invited by the top. If you do, do not be surprised if you are unceremoniously invited to meet the pavement outside.

Self Advocating: Both Tops and bottoms should contact a Dungeon Master (or party organizer) if they feel that their scene was interrupted by someone else or to talk to that individual them selves expressing their displeasure with the interruption.

If anyone else that was there has more to add, please do.

The play party that followed... Well if you weren't there, then I can't tell you. But I will say this much, if you have never been to a public play party you are truly missing something.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Balls and Breasts, care for

Most people don't realize that their partner can be their best detectors of when something is wrong.  By this I mean cancer, among other health problems.  For women, breast cancer is a real danger, and for men, testicular cancer.  Now who else spends more time pay attention to these parts of your body, maybe even more then you do?  Your partner!  So, I am going to make every guy and girl's dream by saying play with your partners' naughty bits all the time!  Men, grab, fondle, caress, suck, lick, and play with your ladies breasts.  Ladies, same goes for you and your partner's balls!
Now back to being serious.  When you're having your fun, if you feel something that wasn't there before, or if while they are fondling you something becomes painful, remember it.  After the fun has been had, bring it up.  Maybe take a closer examination of the area.  It might mean asking them to take a close look and feel for something specific.  If it's still there the next time you have fun or a day or two later, it's time to go to your doctor.  Better safe than sorry.
So, to all of you having fun, by all means keep fondling your partner but also take note of any changes. It may mean the difference between having fun for now and having fun forever.  Take care everyone!

The things we do for sex...

Ok, welcome to an impromptu posting...  This has some what to do with my usual posting of sex and relationships but also just about me for once.

So as I sit here writing this there is not a metal rod with balls at either end stuck in my tongue.  Yes, I got my tongue pierced this past Saturday.  Yes, I'm doing fine, still swollen a little bit but healing nicely.

To those of you that are wondering, no I haven't had a chance to "try it out" but I will let you know when I do.  Yes it hurt, like hell in MI.  yes, I can still talk just fine.

So, to settle all rumors, this is how it went.  We got to CowBoy Tattoos around 1, my friend Steve went in first and minutes later was pierced and ready to go.  In, out, no problems.  So in a walk, take my seat, and get ready.  My friend Jimmy dries my tongue, marks the spot, places the clam, and one, two, and threw went the needle...  Ok, very painful...  In went the barbell, and my tongue finally back into my mouth...

So, after a moments or two as I adjust to what’s just happened... I did what any grown man that just had a razor shoved threw his tongue then pulled on for about minute or two... Hell Ya I passed out..... twice.... then blacked out....

But all in all its ok, and everyone deals with pain differently...  And before anyone starts calling me names or says that I can't handle pain... Let me point out that I am the one the has broken my finger in two places during a show, feeling my glove fill with blood, still turned to the crowd, apologized for not being able to finish the fight, took a bow, and then WALKED out of the list... 

So, as of right now, still a bit swollen, frosties are my new best friend, now I have an agonizing month before I can see how this will change my oral skills. 


-Haven De Lancret

Abstinence not working, what a shock!

1 out of every 4 girls has an STD…  What does that tell you?  That the government's plan to teach abstinence is not working in our schools… 1 out of every 4 girls ages 14-19.  WTF, there is enough information out there to be taught, "Safe sex" is not a "new" thing anymore. 

But instead of teaching safe sexual practices to our teens, we just tell them "don't do it".  Ya that's worked so well with keeping kids from smoking, drinking, and rock and roll.  Teens want to rebel against their parents, teachers and anyone else that has authority over them.  They want freedom, and when they don't get it they are going to do everything they know their parents don't want them to do.
It's really pathetic that our kids get better sex info from "Love Line" (yes it's still on) then from school or their parents.  Teens are going to be sexually active, that is just a fact!  Deal with it!  Get your daughters on the pill (and if there was a way for men to be on a pill, I would tell them to be on it too).  Show them proper use of a condom (and that no, they do not need the Mustang ones from Trojan).  Tell them what to do if a condom brakes, or if it falls off, if they think that a few swimmers got in her, all of that. 

I will, with both my daughters, right around when they become teenagers.  If they want to rebel, it's not going to be with sex, drugs, rock and roll, they will have to do it with good grades and Abercrombie Fitch.

End rant…


-Haven De Lancret

Monday, March 15, 2010

Being true to yourself...

Ask yourself this...

What do you want?

Seems easy enough of a question, right...  But really thing about it, right now, think long and hard, do you truly know what you want?  Now I'm not talking about the simple "I want an iced mocha" that an easy one.  No, the real question is do you really know what you want out of life.

So, now that you have thought about it, do you know?

Now the question your probably ask is "Why the hell is IMP asking me this..."  Simple, if you do not know what you want in life, then how do you expect to find or ask someone to share that life with you?

Just some food for thought...


-Haven De Lancret

Be Loud...

Just a note...

Just for kicks, if you are normally quite during sex, try being load, scream, moan, and let loose...


If your loud, try being quite... Even if it mean gagging... 

See what happens...


-Haven De Lancret

Blowjobs, head grabbing, and men!

OK, since I have found some more time on my hands today (read this as its Friday and everyone has gone home but I still need to be here.  Can you believe they pay me for this shit, oh well) I thought I would delve into some more writing. Now again, these are just my views on things, I do not have a degree in sexual medicine, psychology, or anything else but experience, a good understanding of people, and a desire to write.

So, what’s the topic?  Well, I hope to explain something that has troubled women since the beginning of oral sex.  Why men grab a woman’s hair or head during a blow-job...  Just about every women I know hates it, just about every guy I know has done it a few times, and the porn industry shows it so much that you might think its common place.

OK, let’s start with the reasons why women don't like or hate having their hair or head grabbed when giving a blow job.  Basics, a blow-job is the girl giving pleasure to the guy.  It can be there way of showing affection, doing something nice, there turn in the foreplay, whatever, just be happy your getting one.  So, they are in control, or want to be in control while its going on.  Physically you must also consider the shape of the mouth, it’s not really that big of a space, especially on a small girl.  The mouth is intended for things to go in it and be swallowed, not to go in and out all the time.  Hence the gag reflex, which will kick in if something in the mouth starts to do anything funky, like go in when the persons not ready for it, or out when they are not ready for it.

So, guys, no matter how much you want to, you cannot just start fucking a woman’s mouth when she is not ready for it!  It will hurt her, and that is not the intention of any sex act (well, at least not with what I'm talking about.  That is yet another blog).  So, guys, just be happy about getting a blow-job and stop trying to interfere with it without permission.  If you can't keep you hand to yourself, put them behind your head, sit on them, handcuff them to the bed, anything.  Just do not grab her head without permission, got it...

Ok, now ladies, now that I have said that, here’s are a few reasons why guys do it.  One good, two bad.  Because I like to end on a good note, let’s start with the bad.

Porn- They have seen the guy grab the girls head in porn, like the look or the control, or, god help us, think that sex should all be like in porn (Note: No, sex is not always like in the porn movies, but it’s not a bad goal, as long as your realistic about it).  This is not a good reason...

Inconsiderate Bastard- This is the guy that is only thinking of himself or his orgasm.  He will have no feelings for the girl, will never say sorry about anything, or at least mean it, and is mostly like never have the grace of this women’s lips again (Well, I can hope). This is not a good reason.

Low Control- Ok ladies, you know that feeling right before you orgasm where that is all you can think about?  Usually this is where you telling your guy "Stop and I kill you!"  That point where you really have no control, your body is on autopilot set to cum.  Well guys get that too, and that is the first understandable reason for grabbing a girls head.  Now, most women when giving a blow-job know from reading the guys body that he is getting close, and if you will notice this is right about the time when the hands go for the hair.  Your slowing down (because 1. you don't want to stop yet, 2. you don't want to swallow, or 3. you want the fun to continue, IE you want your cookie too) but lacking some control at this point he just wants to keep the sensations coming so he can cum.

You must remember that sex right before orgasm, or right around it, a person can resort to more animistic behaviors in the desire to cum.  There comes a point where that is the only thing that the guy is thinking about, and so, when you start to stop, or slow down, or he is needing just that little bit more to cum he instinctively reaches to help him finish.  In this case, it’s the women’s head he grabs trying to achieve orgasm.

Ok, now that we have covered why most women hate it and why men want it, let’s talk about compromises.  Yes, that wonderful word that all relationships are built on.  And how do we do this, why by talking about it with your lover, what a thought...

So, how do you get there.  Well in the end it’s up to you, but here are my thoughts on it.  One, most likely it’s going to be the guys that are wanting to do it, so let’s start with them and how to go about it.  First ask her why she bites your dick every time you grab her hair.  Most likely her answers will mirror my above post.  Second, tell her that it really get you off doing it and that you really enjoy it.  Now, its compromise time, see if she is willing to let you and start small.  Start with you just holding her hair while she does it.  This will get her used to our hands being there.  When doing this, under no reason should you do anything other than hold her hair, resist the impulse and show her that she can trust you at this.

Then move to her holding still with her hand around the base leaving just enough of the dick as she will not gag and start slowly thrusting in and out. then try it without her hand.  Eventually you will learn what she can handle and when to stop. 
Now since we are talking about the one partner giving up control to another and that the one giving it up is also giving up speaking I think I should also touch on safety signals.  Now granted in this position, all the women needs to do is bite down to end all fun, but let’s face it we don't want that.  While you hands are on her head, she should have a hand on your leg or something that she can smack or grab to let you know that she is done. This is just for safeties sake and for your own if you ever want to do this again.

Now ladies, I hope that I have shed some light on this subject and maybe the next time your guy reaches for your head you will know why.  And guys, maybe you will now know why not to.  In all, it comes back to the basics of sex.  Talk, talk about what you want, why you do something, why you don't or won't do something, etc.  The reasons for talking about sex are endless.  Hell, talking about sex can also be a great turn on. 


-Haven De Lancret

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Polyamorous, lovers of many...

From Wikipedia: Polyamory (from Greek ???? [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally "love"]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved.

Multiple Lovers 

Whatever you call it, they all mean more or less the same thing.  To understand the basics of this we have to understand our basic genetic makeup.  Think of most mammals on this planet, they have some sort of signal that the female is ready to reproduce. These can be from there rears becoming red and engorged, to emitting pheromones into the air.  We as humans do not do this, if fact the times when a human female is ready to reproduce is hidden even from her.  To me this screams that we are to have sex as often as possible. 

Add in the very disturbing things that happen when we don't add new genes into the pool.  New genetic material must be added on a regular bases.  We are made to spread out genetic material around, it's simple science.  This added with the lack of a signal of a reproductive period lead me to believe that we as a race are meant to have lots of sex with many partners. 

Ok logical science over, time for emotional...

To the shock of some, a poly relationship is not just about sex, or sex with someone/s outside of your marriage (at least not for all). Sex outside of your relationship for just the sake of sex is really just swinging, and that's another blog for another time.  Poly is more about companionship, caring, and increasing the chances that someone's always going to be there for you. 

Part if it is just pure numbers.  If you have 2 lovers then the likely hood that someone that loves you will be available when you need them is doubled.  This also goes for everything in a relationship, from the companionship, sex, and time.  This works for those that have two lovers as well as the ones that share a lover.  The example above shows how having two lovers can help make sure someone is always there for you.  The other side of this coin is someone that you love, but due to jobs, family, or life you just can be there for all the time you don't have to be.
The other part is, and let's face it, some of us either need more attention than one person can give or have more energy than one person can take.  We have all known people that are very very needy, well what better way to satisfy those needs then to double the people that you get that attention from.  

Some poly groups all live together, or all live separately, or even with one couple living together and have the outside part comes and goes.  Some are great distances apart and only see each other every few months, or they might even all live in the same apartment complex.  Just like any other kink in life this is just a few examples of how poly works for some, but there as many flavors of poly as there are people practicing it.

I hope that this explains some of the basic workings of poly, both from emotional and logical stand points.  As always I welcome comments and other views that I may have missed.  Also, if you have any questions about this or any other subjects please send me a message here or at havenSOV@Gmail.com. 

Later and keep it spicy!

-Haven De Lancret

Variety is the spice of life!

In my experience I have found that there are three types of sex, fun, love making, and fucking. 
Fun sex is just that, Unstressed, giggling, comfortable sex.  The kind of sex that you have with  a really good friend (fuck buddy) or lover where you are just screwing around, having a good time, not even worrying about the climax just enjoying the sex and the company.
Love making, slow passionate sex with a connection of more than the physical between the lovers.  This is the kind of sex that can rejuvenate mentally and physically exhaust you. Where during the sex you feel like one being enjoy just the sheer bliss of the act, and when it’s over you feel somehow less then whole.
Fucking, ah pure unhindered, hardcore, physical, and straight up, animalistic fucking.  Where there is nothing but the here and now, and your whole being is consecrated on unadulterated fucking.  Where you don’t even care about your partner, other than to fuck.  All that matters is the sensations, actions and the fucking.  The house could collapse around you and all that would mater is that you are still fucking.
Now, I am not saying that these must be taken separately, some of the best sex happens when you mix these up.  Start with fun and move to fucking and end with love making.  The possibilities are endless.  But one thing is always true, sex should be enjoyable.  If you’re not enjoying it, then change it so you are.
-Haven De Lancret

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Not getting it up, or Sexual Stage Fright...

Alright guys and girls, it's that time again, more thoughts on sex and relationships from the IMP.  This time around its time to talk a bit about sexual performance anxiety.  I problem for both men and women, although it is defiantly more apparent in guys.  And not just one or two, this happens a lot so do not by any means think that you're the only one!

Performance anxiety can come out in many ways.  For guys, a lack of physical arousal even though mentally your ready to go (IE, not getting it up).  In women this show as a lack of personal moisture. It can also show as not being able to achieve orgasm or it can even show in other reactions in your body like profusely sweating or cold clammy hands.   

While science has come to the aid of women with the advent of lube, not so much for normal, health guys that have a rare problem (and I mean rare as in frequency not in number of men).  But let's get into the whys of it happening so you can look into dealing with the problem, and then we can move onto my suggestion on ways around it...

The most common reason for performance anxiety is fear.  Yup, basic fear of rejection, of acceptance, of fucking up (not the good way), or of making a fool of one's self.  This is exactly what people also feel when they are scared to go on stage to perform.  This is just a smaller, more intimate setting with usually only you and someone else involved (although I have heard of some having the same problem the first time they had a threesome, but that's another story). 
To put it plainly, you are worrying so much about if you're going to please your partner, if they are going to think your too small, loose, short, hairy, etc.  All this worry can cause your body to simply not work, basically a defense mechanism that if you don't have sex (or don't perform) then there's no chance of all your fears coming true.  This is why this happens much more during first encounters, and why after words, second, third, etc, it doesn't happen again.

So how do you get passed it?  Well that's really up to you.  You know what's causing it now, now you just need to move past it.  Don't worry, I have some thoughts on that...  First, and the hardest, STOP WORRYING SO MUCH! I know harder done then said...  

My best suggestion is for you to worry only about one thought and push the rest from your head.  Let worry only about pleasing your partner.  If you focus on just that then you are going to guarantee a good time for them, and let's face it if we have a good time we want to go back for more! Why do you think people buy season passes to amusement parks?

So if you spend the whole time worrying about pleasing your partner and you still have trouble getting it or getting wet, then once they have had their cookie then leave it at that.  Tell them that you are just happy that they got there's, that they are more important, and that you don't want to force them to continue after they have orgasmed.   

Why, you may ask, it all comes back to the give and take of a relationship.  If you do a whole lot of giving then your partner then next time you have fun is going to remember that and is going to do all they can to rock your world.   Now if this is the second time that you have been together then most of your performance issue will have dwindled and you can just enjoy the ride!

Or, because you have been so focused on them getting off, the sounds of them enjoying your tongue, fingers, toys, etc that you will forget about your other worries and look, now you're wet or hard and ready to go! 

Now, if this happens that your partner is not going to let you go that easy, then here is another thought.

Once you have given them a mind blowing orgasm... let them return the favor...  But this time just relax, close your eyes, and just think about the sensations your feeling and nothing else.  Focus on the feeling of their tongue, their hair, or whatever else they are doing...  If you have music going, listen to it, and drift with it.  Also, you can focus on your breathing to take your mind off worry. 
Ok, so there are my thoughts, I just hope that they help some.

As always, if you have a question about sex, relationships, men, or women please shoot me a PM here or an e-mail to HavenSOV@Gmail.com. 


-Haven De Lancret

Sex is a marathon not a sprint!

Hello ladies, perverts, sluts and sex fiends! Welcome to another installment of Imps continued thoughts on sex and relationships. Today I want to talk about taking your time and enjoying sex.  Now I know that we all enjoy sex, but what I mean is really enjoying sex for sex its self.  The actual act of sex.

Most of us have at least once or twice found ourselves after sex laying in bed thinking "that was nice..."  Now don't get me wrong, quickies are all fine and dandy, but it is my feelings that we do not take enough time for sex.  We are so caught up in the end goal of orgasm that we lose sight that the act itself can be just as enjoyable as the climax at the end.

Just about anyone that has read any book dealing with sex or watch shows like "Love Line" (feeling old yet) or "Open Source Sex" has heard the old line about taking your time.  But what does it really mean?

Here are a few of my thoughts on how to take your time.  First off, make sure that you have time enough to do what you want.  Trying to cram a 3 hour fuck-a-thon in at 11pm on a Wednesday night when one of you has to be at work at 7pm and the other has midterms the nest day just is not going to work.  Granted the sex may be great, but you will feel guilty about your partners lake of sleep the next day at work or that they did poorly on their tests (or at least you should).  So, making sure that you take the time to have your fun is critical.  Shut the TV off at 8pm and start your fooling around.

Next I would say is don't rush things.  If you have the time, or have made the time, us it.  Sex is not just about fucking, lots of people, men especially like to jump right to hardcore fucking like they just found out there’s a bomb dropping on them.  If you find that you have trouble not jumping right to the intercourse, set a time limit for yourself.  Say, 30 min of foreplay before starting sex.

Now this might be the hardest for us all, taking a break.  Yes, stop fucking and take a moment or two to slow back down.  This has a few benefits.  For guys, it lets their bodies slow down and let them last longer.  For both of you it turns your sex-capads into a thrilling sexual roller coaster with highs, lows and the occasional loop.  But unlike a roller coaster this one starts small and get bigger with each low.  Listen to me men, women can and need allot more stimulation then we do.  But by building her up, letting her down a little and then taking higher, then down again, and higher again when she finally comes down that last hill directly into orgasm it will be a screaming, body stiffening, nail digging, knock the vase off the night stand explosion of sexual tension that will make your neighbors have to light up a smoke.

Now by braking I do not mean, pull out, roll over and see what on the telly.  No, just stop fucking, drive yourself deep(Or if the women is in control, settle in) and take a moment to kiss (if you can), or caress her back, tug his hair, exchange a few words of love or lust... Just a few moments can do allot, and not just one brake, take few and enjoy each other and the closeness you have at this moment.
Now I am not picking on guys, but let’s face facts here.  Guys are weakest link in the long love making chain.  Don't be ashamed of it, it’s just the truth, all a guy needs to cum is a naked women and a couple of well placed yanks of the control shaft.  So, how to get around it.  Lucky for us guys technology has come to our rescue.  There are toys aplenty to help get your lady off, and ladies do not be worried that he may not be aroused, I have yet to hear of any man that can stay un-aroused when hearing his women moaning (let alone that he is causing it).  Oh, and men can be aroused and not be hard (a shock I know)  But just like a women can be aroused and not physically wet, just because he is not hard does not mean that you are not turning him on.  After hearing you moan, on touch of your fingers to his shaft and you will have a hard on larger than the Clinton Memorial (You know the one that looks like the Washington Memorial).

Start off slow!  I cannot stress this enough, even if you have gotten your lady dripping wet and begging for you inside her or you can tell that your guy as just about ready to rip you in half if he gets free of the ropes, start slow.  Personally, I love to watch a woman's face as you slowly enter her even if she is very ready and willing.  It’s almost just as good as those last few seconds before she cums where you can almost see her soul in her eyes.  But even then, men, resisted the urge to do your best jackhammer impersonation and start slow.  Women, resist the urge to buck against your guy when he first enters you.  Not only because if he is desperately trying to control himself you might ruin the whole thing right there, but the chances of either partner getting hurt are high when you first start sex even if you have been ready since you left the movie theater and he finely moved his hand with the twitchy pinkie from your thigh.

Other advances is your friend the condom.  Even a plain condom can help by desensitizing a man just enough that he is not acting like old faithful as soon as the fucking starts.  Not enough, add another, there cheep!  Also, most of the major condom brands have brought out "Long Lasting" condoms with a slight desensitizing agent on the inside.  These do work, sometimes too well.  Personally, I will wear one for the first half of the fuck-a-thon then pull it off and put on a normal one and still be feeling the effects of the longer last one for another hour or so.  So be careful with these as they can backfire, and as wonderful as it is to have you lady clawing up the wall with her 10th orgasm of the night, not being able to cum yourself can be a very bad thing for both of you.

Lastly, lube.  If you really want to have a really long night of orgasmic pleasure your should have lube handy.  I know I know, even if you have a great sex drive and you think you can produce enough wetness to drowned a guy, you will eventually reach a point where it will start to hurt.  Funny thing is, it will feel for both of you like a kind of good pulling sensation when he thrusts in.  Grab the lube, and if you’re a multitasker, you may not even have to stop fucking, just drip some on the guy as he pulls out and keep on having fun.  There have also been some wonderful advances in lube too.  If you haven't tried the warming stuff form KY, its defiantly worth it.  Also, personally I go with the gels as they stay where you put it and not all over you sheets.

I think that about covers it.  So to end, let us remember the long sex mantra "I'm not as good as I once was, but I'm good once as I ever was..."

-Haven De Lancret

Monday, March 8, 2010

Sex anywhere or Out of the Bed and into the Frying pan

In the hubby and hullabaloo of daily life we all fall into routines.  These can be good in that it means the trash is always taken out, kids are picked up from school and other things get done.  An unfortunate side effect of these routines is our sex lives.  We get in the habit of only having sex in bed, at night, with the lights off, on the 3rd Sunday and only if your favorite team won...  The problem is that this even the greatest love makers can become bland and boring even with an extensive knowledge of the Kama sutra.
An easy way to help spice thing back up is to break that routine and have sex in any other part of your house.  There are lots of other rooms each with its own possibilities for wild adult fun.  Here I will not only give some ideas on the fun to be had in these rooms but also how to help make a quick fuck in these rooms possible with only a little redecorating.
So how do you make your other rooms more fuckable?  All it takes is a little ingenuity.  No one wants to break the mood and have to run to the bathroom or the bedroom for a condom, and no one wants to stop fucking to run for lube.  So look around your other rooms and look for those little nooks and crannies that you can use as your secret hideaways.  These should be easy for you to get to, but also out of site of guests and out of reach of little hands (Even if you don't have kids, your friends might). I suggest putting together small cookie bags.  This could be as simple as a zip lock bag with two condoms and a travel size bottle of lube.  You can also make it part of the room and use an ornate box up high on a shelf, or a small purse or bag.  Whatever will fit in with you and not look like you're hiding something.

Living Room
Living rooms lend themselves to all kinds of sexual fun.  You have couches and chairs that make for great sexual fun.  Chairs and couches make great places for oral sex as they are comfortable for both people.  Most people have TV in their living rooms, or even great big entertainment theaters.  Slap your favorite porn in and see and hear it in a whole new way. Depending on the set up of your living room, here are some possible sex positions it can offer.  Bending her over the couch arm or back.  Him kneeling, her sitting on chair or couch.  Lying on the couch, spooning, him on top, or her on top.  Her astride him, facing him or away.  Really, it up to you how you do it, but just that you're in a room that you normally don't screw in can turn sex up a notch. Bean bags chairs and stools can be fun too.
Where to place your cookie bag?  In the couch, lift up the cushions, most couches have seams right along the edge that you can place your cookie bag so even if someone lifts the cushions they won't see it.  Most entertainment centers are tall with a lip on top.  This is also a great place to stash you cookie bag, if you're tall enough.  Some coffee tables have cabinets or draws.  Only use this if you don't store anything else in there that you might want to get out.

Dining Room
Dining tables can be all kinds of fun, but with a warning.  Check your table out first, if you can't sit on the edge without it trying to fall over or creaking I wouldn't use it.  Dining tables usually are at the right height for the girl to lie on her back with her lover standing holding her legs.  Bending her over the table works just as well with the added bonus of giving her support.  Also, dining room chairs without arms are great for the women straddling her guy.  If you like bondage play, dining tables and chairs also are great for strapping people to as the legs and arms are great to tie to, but again, check yours out to make sure they will hold up to the abuse.
Now where to hide your cookie bag?  If small kids are not a problem, taping it to the underside of your table will work.  If not, look to the pictures on the wall, you can usually hide a small package behind them.  If you have any kind of dish cabinet in your dining room, that gravy boat with lid that you only use at Thanksgiving will work (Just remember to take it out before your family shows up for turkey!)

The kitchen, you would think the perfect place for cookies!  Unfortunately, the kitchen does not lead itself to sex easily other then leaning over countertops or oral while sitting on them.  If you have an island you have a few more options, but not many.  But this can be a great place to start with some eating out before moving to the dining room for the main course.
Stashing a cookie bag in the kitchen is up to you; I don't bother, but if you want to, stay high and in places where you normally do not get into.  Don't place them near any appliances; heat will break down latex in condoms.  So avoid above the refrigerator, stove, or microwave.  Maybe an unmarked spice jar?

Now here's a room that was made for fun.  First off, even if you don't have sex, save water and shower with your lover.  This time can be bonding time as well as sexual time.  Washing, caressing, and holding while water rains down on the two of you.  A few warnings - make sure you are rinsed of any soap before starting any sexual activities.  If you think it hurts in your eyes, think of other places.  The taste isn't great either. Also, check to make sure what you can and cannot grab during sex.  That small handle on the soap dish in the wall may look sturdy, but check first before you put your weight on it, same goes for the shower curtain bar.  The sink can be fun too, but again, check before you use it to hold her up.
Sex in the shower with condoms can hurt; I use the shower mostly for foreplay.  The nice thing is the medicine cabinet is a normal place to put a box of condoms, so use it.  Just check it every once in awhile especially if you have had teenagers over.  At my house I have told my friends teenagers that they are there and they can take a few if they need them.  I would rather spend a few bucks and them to be safe then to have to get the call asking for a ride to the docs.

This can be a great place for not only sex but role playing too.  The boss seducing his secretary, the secretary getting revenge on a demanding boss by spanking him, the ideas are endless.  Offices chairs are great for oral sex, bondage, straddling sex and him kneeling in front of her.  Just be careful if your chair leans back to lock it in place or that it can take the weight of both of you leaning back without tipping over.  Desks are usually sturdy enough for just about any kind of play, and what you can do on it depends on how clean you keep it.
Plus with all the drawers that office desks have, there is bound to be a place to store your cookie bag.  Just remember to place it so it's easy to get to but not someplace you're into all the time. I find the Tax return folder works great.

Front Porch
Sex on your front porch can be very exhilarating.  You out front, being naughty with cars driving by, and they don't know.  If you're going to have fun on your front or back porch I would only do it at night without your porch light on, and maybe under a blanket or with her wearing a skirt or dress.  Now this will depend on how you porch is set up and how open it is.  Just don't be too loud or you might end up with some unexpected visitors in uniform.  To help with front porch sex, make sure you have nice porch furniture that is comfortable for both of you. 
As for stashing your cookie bag, I would not place one here, but right inside your front door.  The elements can play havoc on latex, so cold and heat is bad for long time storage.  But right inside your front door, say near your key rack, or anything else there is a great place.

Backyards can be fun, but again take caution when having sex outside.  I will elaborate later on this, but for right now, unless you have an enclosed backyard with no two story neighbors, let's not go here until later.
One last note for parents with kids.  As wonderful as having sex in the rest of your house is, if you have kids that can get out of bed by themselves I would only have sex in rooms that you can lock, or when they are not home.  You can help by buying those cheap hook and eye locks and placing them high enough that only you two can reach them.  You can also help the kids decorate by buying them a bell for their door so you have a warning when they leave their rooms.
For those unfortunate souls that have been having sex only in their bedrooms I hope that I have given you the info needed to take your sex life into the rest of your house.  For those that already do, I applaud you.  So go out and enjoy your house, even places that I have not mentioned, you know your house better then I.  Start looking at it as your sexual playground.  Until next time!
-Haven De Lancret

Simple BDSM or Rough sex

This is going to be the simple version of BDSM. About how to use it just to enhance your sex life and nothing more. I'll be covering the basics of safety, spanking, flogging, bondage, physical force, and how to introduce it into your sex life. There will be another blog about advanced BDSM and how it differs from just hard, rough dominating sex.

BDSM as an acronym has various explanations, but on the whole what it means entails them all. From Bondage, Domination, Discipline, Submission, Sadomasochism, Slave, Master, Mistress, etc. But what it really boils down to is, for what I want to talk about here, is sex that involves all or some of those terms. Here I will talk about everything from a little light bondage (tying your partner to the bed posts) to sensual spanking and flogging.

First and foremost if you are thinking of incorporating any part of BDSM into your sex life you first need to take some safety precautions.  The simplest and easiest is a safety word.  This word is the word used by either party when things have gone too far.  This could be that a boundary has been crossed or that person is feeling uncomfortable about the situation.  This safe word should a word that would never ever come up in your sexual play.  Red, aardvark, pad, etc are just some examples of safe words. 
Once you have your safe word established, you should memorizes it and always remember it.  During any part of your play if one of you speaks the safe word all activities stop until the speaking party feels comfortable again.  In laymen's terms, if you have your boyfriend tied down to the bed, blindfolded, while you are blow him and are trying to stick a finger in his ass and he says the safety word you stop, end of story.
For this blog I am going to concentrate of the immediate sexual side of BDSM, or more simply rough sex.  Like anything with sex you can do as much as you wish, there is no wrong or right way to be into BDSM.  If all you wish to do is add the occasional scarf tying of your lover to the bed, that's just as fine as hanging them from a wall with metal cuffs and chains. The basics of all this is that some people do enjoy rough sex, or rough situations.  This can simply mean more forceful sex or even wanting and getting off from spanking or flogging.
Having rough sex can "just happen" but so can divorce, feelings getting hurt, or even people getting physically hurt.  Like with anything you should talk about being rougher in bed first.  Granted there are little things that you can do beforehand to test the waters of how your partner will react but on the whole it is better to talk about adding this to your sex life.  Then you both can explore it together or you will know that this is something that they will not do.
So, you are interested but you don't know if your partner is?  Here are some simple tests you can do during sex to see if they might, and I said might be interested in rougher sex or BDSM.  The nest time you are on top, slowly grab both of their wrists and slid them above their head and hold them there firmly. If they struggle a little that's fine, but if they look at all like they are really scared, are really fighting against you or no longer paying any attention to the sex let go immediately. Also, be careful not to put any pressure on their wrists by trying to support yourself with your hands while holding their wrists. Now if they act favorably, like get that "Oh baby" look in their eye then it’s time to talk… Well not right this instant! Finish getting your cookie first, get a glass of water, and ask them how it felt.
Light bondage in my belief is simple bondage. Use of a scarf to tie your partner's hands behind their back. Kids handcuffs that look like they are trapped but could get out of just as easily. Bondage that is quick, not time intensive and can be undone relatively quickly by either partner. This adds a little excitement without a lot of hassle and can be done very cheaply. This is the best place to start when it come to introducing bondage into your sex life.
The next level or medium bondage would be the use of soft cuffs and straps that have been made and bought for that purpose. You can find these at some party stores, gag stores, and all adult toy stores. These take a bit more time then scarves but are a little harder to get out of by the person they are on. Medium bondage to me also includes spending more time in the bondage as well as doing more with it. This would include using the cuffs and straps to make your partner play with themselves, keep them in a position you like for longer, or to keep them from moving around. Let's face it, using scarf’s will only keep a guy on the bed for so long before he gets free. Using Velcro cuffs and straps will keep them there a lot longer; just make sure his hands are separated.
At this point, I would suggest that you avoid ropes, metal shackles, wax, or anything more advanced than what I have discussed here.  These all have their advanced BDSM and take a bit more time, thought, and experience.  For now, just stick with what I have described here until you and your partner are ready.
There are a lot of people that enjoy a good spanking, either as the spanker or the spankee.  Either way, it can be fun and enjoyable when done right.  Start slow and work your way up in force.  Just about everyone enjoys a light spank now and then during or just before sex.  Not many are all about the spanking that leaves marks and makes it hard to sit at work the next day.
There are lots of tools and toys out there, floggers, paddles, canes, etc.  If you are new to this, as nice as they look and no matter how turned on you get by them, I would avoid actually using them until you have had some time and have played around with spanking with just your hand.  As there is an added danger inherent with these, I will devote a whole blog to their safe use.  Until then, unless you have had some experience with them already, let's leave them as pretty wall hangers for now.
Forceful sex can also be very exhilarating. Forceful sex is where one person, usually the more physically endowed of the partner uses light force to get what they want. This can be as simple as rolling your partner onto her knees when you want to take her on all fours, to grabbing and holder her wrists while you use a vibrator on her clit.  Now I use these situations because on the whole the man will most likely be the stronger of the partner.  Now that's not to say that the women could not be the stronger one by any means, but women usually do not use force to get what they want now do they?
Quick note here for you to think about – women usually don't use force to get what they want that's why taking control in the bedroom can be such a turn on.  If in everyday life they're the weaker (physically only – don't get me started) sex just think of how much a turn on it is to tie up and have the stronger man in your power.  Even if it just holding his wrists above his head.
For those of you that this is already old school, don't worry.  I shall have a blog later on more advanced rough sex, BDSM, and other fun stuff.  This is just a quick, simple way to introduce this kind of fun into your sexual play.  In the advanced one I'll get into ropes, wax, metal, collars, auto-erotic asphyxiation, abrasion play, suspension, and all sorts of other fun stuff.
I hope that this has given you the necessary information to start throwing a bit more rough sex into your sexual playbook.  Take care, be safe, and above all have fun!
-Haven De Lancret

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Playing Out Fantasies, or Role Playing Without the D20

Everybody has them, those wonderful little fantasies that they have always wanted to play out.  Screwing the head cheerleader or quarterback after the big game, the teacher seducing the young naive student, being held hostage at an intruders whim, being dominated by a latex covered Dom, taking advantage of being in a foreign country, having sex in the back seat of a car at "Lovers Curve" like teenagers, or simple having oral sex in the front porch at night.
Living out these fantasies can be fun and exhilarating for both partners.  Even if it's not your fantasy, you may find something you like that you hadn't known before.  Each partner should find out what fantasies the other has.  I have given you a few different ideas already as to how to go about discovering them.  So here's how to make them happen.
Making a fantasy happen takes time, energy and commitment, just like most of the great things in life.  Even if it is not your fantasy you should treat your partners as if it was.  Put just as much thought into it as you would one of your own.  Fulfilling your partner's dreams will bring you as much reword from them as if it was your own.
Take the time to get as much detail about the fantasy from your partner as you can.  Things like when, where, and how.  If it's the dirty teacher's pet fantasy, does your partner want to be the teacher seducing the student or the student seducing the teacher?  Would it have been on the teacher's desk at school or at home?  Does it have a BDSM tone to it or is it just sex?  Does the teacher dress provocatively or conservative?  How does the student dress?
The more info about the fantasy you have the closer you can make the real thing (within reason, let’s face it most of us could pass for the teacher, but if you’re married with kids we are very far from looking 17!).  Then start thinking of how you’re going to make it happen, what do you need, or where should you go.
I won't lie to you, even the most creative of us will need some money to make a fantasy happen.  Not all of us can rent a school room for a night to live out there slutty teacher spanking dream.  But you can start small.  If the fantasy involves a desk, then see about getting one cheep at a local resale shop.  Hell, every once in awhile you can find old school desks at garage sales. 
Also start looking for outfits and such when you're shopping.  You never know when you're going to find a great outfit for a fantasy.  A good place to start is party stores.  Some of the larger ones keep Halloween costumes in stock year round.  Just keep your eyes open and your imagination working.  You may even be able to pervert or slutify some of your existing clothes.  What's a school teacher wear?  Skirt and blouse or tie and slacks.  Think naughty folks, or think from the other end of the table and how your partner described his/her fantasy.
Once one of you have taken the time to make one of your fantasies real, now it's the others turn.  It’s just like anything in life, if you don't do the same for them then they will not want to do it again for you.  Hell, even make a game out of it and take turns.  Make it a birthday tradition, or even pick one day a month to live out a fantasy (personally, I would choose the 13th).
But whatever you do remember to have fun!!
-Haven De Lancret

Anal Sex, going forward from behind.

It's time to talk about sodomy, but that has too many biblical connotations.  Ass fucking!  That's better.  We all know what it is, but in case you have been living in a convent for the last few years: Anal sex is having penetration of the anus for the intent of sexual gratification.  What I really want to talk about is the "how's" in detail. 

Note: I am a straight male, so during this writing I will be talking about anal sex as it pertains to me having anal sex with a woman.  But this information goes for anyone, gay, straight, or bi.

Also keep in mind that unlike pussy, the anus does not produce any kind of lubrication, and contrary to what's seen in porn spit does not provide any lubrication!  Lube is just as important as whatever you're going to be doing the fucking with.  You can never have enough lube when doing anal, really, put a towel under her ass lube away!

Like seducing a nun into bondage sex, anal sex takes time and practice and can NOT be jumped right into.  Anal sex must, MUST be taken slow.  Come to grips my horny, taboo loving friend that you are not going to be pounding away at your partner's ass or getting your ass pounded your first time trying anal.  Let's remember that the anus was intended for exit only, and needs to be reconditioned to accept entry.
Its good practice to start with playing with the anus.  A little fingering, exploring, etc.  If this is your first anal experience, just one finger being inserted during normal sex can be wild.  So start slow, and work your way up to larger fingers, maybe two or really small toys. 

IF IT HURTS, STOP!!!  If you feel any pain, then stop and try again later.  Arousal can also play a big part in how much you can take.  Making sure the recipient is fully and heavily aroused will make for a more pleasurable experience.  Because of this, the recipient should always be the one controlling the speed of the entry.
I have found that good position to start anal in is with the recipient on their back with the ass in the air under a pillow.  This allows for easy access and for them to be able to relax and concentrate on relaxing. Relaxing is key to being receptive to anal sex.  We all know that the goal of anal sex is to do it doggy, but think of that as the advanced moves. Again, start slow and work your way to that. 

Remember that serious damage can easily done to the anus if you do not take it slow and make it a point not to hurt the recipient.  So take it slow, use lots of lube, and guys even if it feels fan-fucking-tabulous to you, if she says to stop or that it hurts you had better or this will be the last time that you ever get to be in there again...

Ok, that's the quickie on anal sex...

As always, ask away if you have questions.

-Haven De Lancret

The wide world of orgasm...

It is fairly common knowledge that women on the whole can have multiple orgasms and that only a rare few men can.  But there is more to orgasm then just the climax and quivering, sweaty bodies in need of towel.  Each person can have orgasms of differing intensities and some have even said different types of orgasms depending on the situation, mood, and stimulation.

Women have described having different feeling orgasms depending on the stimulation and situation that they have to orgasm.  Specifically an orgasm form clitoral/external only stimulation feels different then an orgasm that involved penetration.  It is my thought that this comes from the intensity and possibly from a differing type of signal sent to the brain (but I'm no neurologist, it's just a guess).

Along the same lines I have been told that it feels different when the orgasm is achieved purely by penetration with no clitoral stimulation (IE when taking her from behind).  I know that this might add a whole new level of problems for some, especially younger women, that are still just try to archive orgasm at all.

Not to leave men out of this, it is my experience that we too have orgasms of differing intensity and sensation.  I know that it has been my own personal experience that orgasm achieved from oral sex feels much different than one ached during penetration sex.  For me I think this has to do more this my actions during the orgasm.  Most of the time, during oral sex I am completely relaxed, not moving and just enjoying the sensations being performed upon me.  During sex I am moving, working, and usually a lot tenser, especially right before orgasm.

My reasoning for this thought is that I have had a few experiences where my lover was doing all the moving and such during sex and the orgasm felt similar to the sensations felt during an oral orgasm.  I feel that women feel much the same way depending on how tense they are right before orgasm.

Within these same lines, I feel that the intensity of an orgasm can vary depending on other outside factors.  An orgasm achieved during a slow, passionate love making with candles burning has less intensity, but I have found can feel like it lasts longer and is more drawn out.  Where as a rough and tumble fuck with dirty talk, ass smacking, biting and hair pulling has a much higher intensity but just like the candle that burns brightest, it's over just as quickly.

Here are some other factors that I have found that can play a part in intensity, sensations and feel of an orgasm.  If the sensation is new, IE the first time having oral with that partner.  If the surrounding is new, like a new house, tent, or some other naughty place.  Heck, even just being with a new partner can crank the intensity up by itself.

Oh, and just to clarify... Orgasms are like Chinese food, even when it's bad, it's still pretty good!  Any orgasm that you can't walk... I mean you can walk away from is a good one.

As all ways, if you have any questions or comments you can post them here, in a message here, or in and e-mail to Havensov@yahoo.com.
Have fun, and for your partners sake EXPERIMENT!

-Haven De Lancret