Let’s go over some other parts of sex that may not get the attention that they deserve. For instance, let’s talk about be-foreplay. I feel this never really gets talked about much, at least not in relation to sex. I have mentioned it a little before but let’s get further into it. By be-foreplay I mean the foreplay before the foreplay. All the things we do before we even start getting your freak on.
For instance, I mentioned getting dressed up, going out for dinner, then coming home for fun. The getting dressed, the dinner, even the car ride home is all be-foreplay. You can do allot to increase your arousal when you do have sex (or your chances of having sex) by paying a bit more attention to this. This can be as simple as when you see your SO, instead of a casual "You look nice" when you see them, grab them close and whispering in there ear how wonderful they look
When you’re out to dinner, after you have ordered, hold their hand across the table while you talk. Hold their hand on the way to dinner and then when you go home. Lovers just don't touch enough, you very rarely see people holding hands anymore. Want to spice things up a bit more. When you’re SO excuses themselves to the rest room, take a moment and send them a text message. It can be a nice or naughty (depending on your relationship) as you want. A simple "hate to see you go, love to watch you leave" or "I am so making you scream tonight" will make them feel so much more in the mood.
I cannot stress enough the idea of contact, make contact with your lover. Hold hands, hold each other. Start feeling close before you rip each other’s shirts off. It will do wonders for when you do. Think of it like this, do remember when you had to face the dating scene? How on those first dates no matter what was happening you always found yourself aroused the whole night? There’s a whole lot of reasons for that, but that’s what you should get back to even if you have been together for 20 years. That feeling that when you’re out you could fuck at any moment.
Ok, that’s the dates, what about outside of nights out. During regular every day activities. There are plenty of things that you can do if you put some thought into it. Text messages, love notes, emails, phone calls. All of these will help lead to a better mood at night. But be warned, you can over do this, and make sure that if you do these things that you carry out your plans 90% of the time.
Other things you can do, make your lover feel special, that’s one of the biggest things. A note here, a foot rub when watching TV, flowers (even if is a rose from the gas station on your way home) can go a long way to making them feel special. You also have technology on your side. Sit down and write a blog about your lover. You don't have to a great writer, this is one of those times when effort will get you farther than the finished product.
Just like anything else in life, you will get out of it what you put into it. A little effort on your end will then pay off in an effort from your lover (or at least that’s the way it’s supposed to work). If this is not your case, well, then it’s time to be looking the rest of your relationship and not just the sex.
That’s all I have, have your own comments, feel free to add them. We all have our own ideas on what works and these are mine. You may have a different approach that works for you, let us know.
-Haven De Lancret