Monday, February 15, 2010

Relationships, Give=Take

I might be opening Pandora's box here, and it might already be to late since some have done it already.  If you have any questions or just want some friendly advice on sex and relationships please feel free to drop me a message and I will see what I can do for you.

Unless given permission, your message will stay confidential and will not be shared or made public in any way.  I might discuss the topic that you brought up, but your details will stay safely hidden.  With that being said, on to today subject.
Since getting down to the nitty gritty of sex has not raised as much interest as I thought it would, I'm going to back up a bit and go back to more of the relationship side of things.  But I ask this, I know that people are reading the blog's on just sex like yesterdays, but only one person commented.  Talk about relationships, and 6 or 7 people comment.  Is this because even with all my blustering about being open about sex that individuals are still sheepish about talking about sex, or even that they might, horror, enjoy it? Or is it that I just have not hit the right subject to make people talk.  Oh well..

It has become apparent to me that some if not most people are lacking a basic understanding of relationships.  We have them at work, with friends, lovers, and just about every part of life we have a relationship with people.  Lots of problems that people have with others is from this lack of understanding of these relationships.

All relationships have give and take, and for the most part they should be equal parts give to take.  At work you work 40 hours (give) and they pay you for your time (take).  Why do people get upset at work, when they feel they are giving more energy or time at work and not getting paid what they think it’s worth.  Same is true for romantic relationships.

People get upset in a romantic relationship for the same reasons.  When one party feels they are giving more into a relationship then the other party is, they get upset.  Now we are talking about instant gratification here too much.  It’s not like it’s always you do something then your partner does something.  Ex. Your wife takes care of all the laundry you do the dishes every night.  A simple example, but it makes the point.

Understanding that you MUST give to receive is a vital part of relationships, whether at work, play, or at home.  I encourage everyone reading this to take a moment right now and think real hard on whether you are pulling your fair share at home, in your marriage, even at work.  Don't just say "of course I do", really think about it.  The only persons right now that knows for sure if they are is you, and the other party in the relationship.  If either one of feels that the one is not giving as much as the other, then there is a problem that you should sit down and figure out how to fix it.

I think that this is even more apparent in sex, for it is an almost instant gratification situation, but not all the time.  Doing something because you love them is all fine and good, but why do you love them?  All the other things they do for you, right?  Are they giving back to you in bed? no. What I mean is, do not think that "I love them, so I can live with her being an inconsiderate bitch in bed" will work, love will only get you so far in life.

So, here’s the wake up call.  Sex is a two way street, just like any other relationship.  The most common example I can think of is common complaint from women that there guy will not go down on them but want blow-jobs all the time.  This is stupid guys, you’re expecting something for nothing and no matter how hard you want it, that just does not work in this world.  If you’re not willing to do the same for your partner then why should they do it for you?

Even in the most extreme types of relationships there is give and take.  Take a Dom/sub relationship.  Many people make the mistake that the sub does all the giving and the Dom does all the taking.  Wrong, in a Dom/sub relationship there are both fulfilling a deep needed urge to serve or so dominate.  Also, the Dom takes care of the sub just as much as the sub take care of the Dom.

So the next time you start getting hot and heavy with your partner remember to think of them.  Guys, want a blow-job, get down there and start eating pussy (More on that in another blog).  Want her to talk dirty or dress up in a police officer’s uniform?  You had better make sure that she cums at least once every time you have fun, go to your room and light a load of candles, feed her chocolate in bed.  If she happy, your happy!!!  Girls, If he's been going down on you, then go down on him (no you don't have to swallow).  If he’s been making a point of giving you your cookie every time, unwrap a brownie and dress up for him, or spend a night driving him nuts, or make a fantasy of his come true.  This goes both ways, guys, women like you to dress up too.

Once you both have established that you both are giving and receiving, take up a notch.  Spend a whole night with the women teasing and pleasing her guy.  Then switch the next weekend, and please and tease her all night.  This is not complicated, its basic math.  If both of you care about the others enjoyment of sex then both of you will enjoy it so much more.

But again, this does not just go for sex, it’s in all walks of life.  It’s easier to give a little more and see if you get a little more back then to just sit around waiting for someone to start giving to you first. 

So here’s a challenge to all of you reading this.  Tonight, go home and do something that you know that your partner likes.  Who cares if they have done anything to "deserve" it, just do it.  Make them a meal they love, dress up a bit, where thigh highs to bed, let them watch a show they really like instead of what you want to watch, whatever.  Just do something for them and see what happens. 
If you notice your lover doing something extra, let them know you appreciated it by doing something for them.  It’s that simple, really.

Now, go forth my children and do something nice!

-Haven

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