Monday, February 15, 2010

Sabotaging or the relationship equivalent...

I still can't figure out why some people do this, and I doubt that I ever will.  It happens though, and the only thing I can do it point it for the hope that those that are doing it can see it, and those that are getting sabotaged see what's coming.

Sabotaging a relationship can take many forms, from doing small things that you know bug that crap out of your partner to right out making them be a bad guy in a situation.  Either way then end result is always the same; the person sabotaging the relationship is trying to get the other to be the one to end things. 
Why do people do this, well I have a few theories but none or all could be true.  The easiest one is so they can say "They broke up with me" and play victim.  This is usually that case if they have been hurt many times before in a relationship.  The other side is that they also have a victim complex and need the attention they get when they are the victim.

Another is they are used to a behavior form their partners, even bad behavior, and are prepping for that behavior again.  Think a bit like abused spouse syndrome.  Even though you may not be anything like there ex, they are prepping for you to become that way.

Lastly, it could simply be that they just don't know any better.  If they saw their mothers or fathers act the same way then it's just internally programmed that why will try and push those they love away or sabotage the relationship before it even starts...

Just as there are many reasons for sabotaging there are just as many ways to do to it.  Again, the simplest is the sabotage simply pushing their partner's button s all the time till the brake and go screaming into the night.  No, it's not that he left his stinky socks on the floor that she left, but it was that mixed with the beer drinking, and the guys over at all times of the night, and the staying out late, and the waking her wanting sex, and the.... you get the idea...

Other things are not being upfront about items that you know are going to upset your partner.  It's not lying because you just haven't said anything, but they are lies of omission.  You know those things that you should have told you your partner about.  This can take the form of talking with old lovers (which should always be upfront about because it will always look bad if you don't) or what days you work.  If you stop talking to your partner, then you are keeping them out of the loop, and that is one sure way to cause drama and sabotage your relationship.

So, if you think that your partner is trying to drive you nuts, then it's time to talk with them and make sure that they see what they are doing, and then see why.  If it's just that they don't want to be together any more it's time to end it...
If you have read this and said, OMG, that's me, THEN CUT IT OUT and start talking with your partner...

If you are doing this and you know you are, CUT IT OUT!!! Grow some balls and stop fucking with people emotions.  Brake up, move one, and stop being an ass!
Ok, I'm done...

Later!

-Haven De Lancret

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