Monday, February 15, 2010

Your past, The discovered country

It's time to talk about something that every couple has to face at some point, your sexual pasts.  This can be simple or hard, depending on your past and how you chose to talk about it.  One's past can be a very touchy subject, and couples have forever been changed or even split up after finding out about each other’s past.
The first thing to remember when talking about your pasts is that it is just that, your past.  No matter what's in it, it's good because your pasts is what has brought you two to where you are now.  That being said there is no reason to be upset about anything that your lover has done, ever!
As a general rule to help talk about your past, never bring up specific names when talking about your sexual exploits.  This can elevate some of the jealousy by keeping your partner from putting a face to the experience, and most likely when they are visualizing your exploits they will interject their face into the situation.  Keeping names out when sharing your past will also help you further down the road; say if you run into an old SO/fling later with your new one.  There will be no "Oh, he's the one you dressed up like a naughty nurse for?" comments later on.
Unfortunately everyone is different when it comes to their past as well as to how they deal with their partners.  There are some people that know in the back of their minds that you have been with other people, but do not want to talk about it and wish to pretend that they are the only ones you have ever been with.  Others find it very arousing to hear about your past exploits and may use them as a spring board for ideas in this relationship.  No matter which type of SO you have or where they fall in-between these to extremes you should always approach talking about your past slowly. 
On a side note, if there is something in your sexual past that can be potentially dangerous to your current SO you should make sure they know.  I mean like chances of STDS and the like, not the crazy ex that chased you last SO down the road with a chainsaw screaming Marry had a little lamb… Well, maybe you should let them about that too…
When learning about your partners past remember that it is just that, the past.  You are the future and how you handle your partners past will shape your relationship.  Do not be upset if you find out that they have done some things in their past and do not want to try them again.  We have all done things in our past, both sexual and non that we have tried once and said never again.  If you find something that they have done, it's ok to ask if they enjoyed it, and would like to try again.  But if they so no, then drop it and leave it alone.  When digging in the past you can learn lots of wonderful things, but you can also open up old wounds.
Now, as much as you might want to know about your SO's past do not push it.  They will tell you when they think it’s time for you to know.  Some of the best times have been lying in bed together with the power out during a storm sharing a wine cooler, a smoke, and a warm wet breeze from the window…
So learn about each other pasts, but do not get jealous for there is no point to it other than to make you just another entry to tell their next SO.
-Haven De Lancret

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