Thursday, March 4, 2010

Pillow words, How to talk dirty during sex!

This seems to be something that a lot of people have trouble with for a few reasons.  First of which is that we on the whole have been told that using certain words will cause you tongue to fall out or make the angles cry.  That's a load of crap.  Granted, you should not use certain words towards your partner, most of the time.  You know calling your boyfriend a cock master fucking machine while out to dinner with your grandma just is not a good idea (Sending him that in a text message is a whole different story!)
Most of you already know when it's inappropriate, but when is it appropriate?  Well, mostly that's going to be up to you and your partner.  But I can give you some guild lines to help you out.  First off, (and here it comes again) talk about it.  Make sure your partner is interested in talking dirty during sex. This also means they will not be completely shocked when it happens (Trust me, even with a warning it's still going to be wildly shocking).  Then make sure there is anything that's off limits (and these will change as you get used to it) some people can't stand the word cock or cunt.  Make sure you know where you partners boundaries are.  But, and this is a Jay-Lo sized butt here, be open!  Make sure the words that you mark as "off limits" are words that will absolutely piss you off, not the ones that somewhat piss you off, that you just don't like, or would be offended if a guy called you that on the street.  For instance, Slut has a totally different contest when screamed out a car window then when you boyfriend has you bent over the couch.  If this is new to you then you don't know how you feel when you boyfriend call you a slut or when you girl says fuck me you stud.
Now you have the starters, now comes the really hard part, actually doing it.  Yes, you may end up sounding like a porn star, but why do you think that porn gets you hard, even if it sounds campy and clich√©, it’s still dirty and dirty is fun.  You have your boundaries, now you are going to have to break those societies embedded stereotypes and actually say something dirty when in bed with your partner.  Like anything, start small, don't worry about sounding suave or great in bed, your real mission is to be great at fucking and you are just accenting that with words.  By small, I mean start off with one word sentences, a common on is simply saying "fuck" out loud while fucking.  Then build on that, to "fuck me".
Once you have that down, here are some easy steps to take your dirty talk to pure unadulterated sleazy fun.  One, simply say what's you are doing right now or what you’re going to do.  Two, do not ever use anatomical word during sex!  Do not use penis, vagina, pectorals, or any other pc term.  The point is to be dirty, so use all that slang that you have been saving up since high school. Three, repetition is ok up to a point.  If all you ever say is "fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me…" it’s going to get really tiring really fast.  Now you can say the same thing, just change the words.  Replace fuck with screw, or hammer, or nail.
Now it’s time to work on style and a dirty voice, or bedroom voice.  You know the type I'm talking about, the type of voice that makes women wet from listening to James Earl Jones read the phone book.  For guys, look at her favorite actors and see how they talk, especially during any romantic scenes.  Girls, same thing, but let’s face it, guys just want to hear you say "cock" and "slut".  Practice your voice and talking dirty in the car when you're alone, like a lot of things practice makes perfect.
Like most things related to sex, how dirty you get in your bedroom talk is completely up to you.  Do not think for a moment that you are being judged on this, or any other part of your sex lives (well, unless you one of those webcam couples).  So do what feels right, and above all gets you horny.  If all you want to do is throw in the occasional "cock" or "fuck me" that's just as fine as constant dialog of obscenities.  Just remember that like most anything else that can be done during sex this is just one more accessory in your sexual play book. 
Still unsure of what to do or say? Are looking to expand your sexual vocabulary?  Look to good porn, and you know which ones I mean.  Also, look at good written erotica.  There is a lot of really good erotica on the net these days for free for you to read.  Here are a few website that have free erotica (Click, Click).
So get out there and move beyond the "oh gods" and start talking dirty!
-Haven De Lancret

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