Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Get back that old time feeling

This is a reminder to all couples out there. Do you remember what it was like when you first started dating your SO? What did you spend hours doing? You spent hours exploring each other, kissing, making out, and just enjoying being with that person. It was not about getting right to the sex.

I think that over time that couples loose sight of that as they spend more years together. You might find that it is something that you are missing. Its not that either of you did it on purpose, it just happens with the familiarity that comes with being together for the time you have.

In the beginning you were learning about each other, what pleases that person, what they like or don't and what turns them on. Now that you have been with them for as long as you have, you know right what to do to get them going. Not that you should forget that, you should just slow down and explore each other while turning each other.

So take some time, slow down, and act like high school/collage kids again!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Friday, August 20, 2010

Finding another.

So you want to find someone to have some fun with? This is a common question that I get from both singles or couples. How do you find that person, where do I look for them, etc... So here are a few thoughts on how to find that other person.

I want to start by pointing out that to find someone (for just a little fun or for a long term relationship) you need to just be you. Yes, strange as that sounds, just be you. If you are faking yourself, or putting on an act to try and attract someone then you are lying to them about how you really are. The person you want to attract is someone that is attracted to you for you and not some fake you (Leave the make believe to sparkly vampire movies).

That being said, you should also not dwell on your search for another. No one wants to be around someone that is constantly bitching about how they don't have someone, or that they are lonely. This also ties into the first part of being yourself. If you are dwelling on your loneliness then you are not being you, or at least the fun version of you that others will be attracted to. So try very hard not to think about your loneliness and focus on just being a happy.

Where do you look? EVERYWHERE!!! No really, you never know where you might find that other person anywhere you go during your everyday life. From the gas station to the local munch, a friends party to any other social gathering. Just be open to meet new people and keep that little of thought of “could they be the one?” as you go through your day. You never know when that new person will fall onto your lap in tight pleather pants...

So what if you have been doing that, looking around as you go about your daily life... What else... Get the fuck out of the house! Get out and socialize more. Put down the TV remote, the game controller, shut off the computer (NOT NOW, wait till your done reading this, then shut it off) and get out. See if any of your friends are throwing a party, find a local club to join for a hobby of yours, or join a sports team.

Oh, and before you say “None of my friends are throwing a party?” Then take some initiative, and throw one yourself and invite your friends with instructions to bring other friends with them. Another idea is set up an open night at your house for friends to come over. Make it a game night, or movie night. Let you friends know that every Wednesday (or any day) you open your doors for them to come over and do what ever. Let them know they can bring other friends with them when you are showing the new Vampire movie, or that you have picked up a new adult game.

So there you are, few ideas to help you find someone...

As always, feel free to comment or add your own thoughts (anonymously even) or if you have personal question you can send it to Havensov@gmail.com.

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Revised Kinky list up!

Yes it is, with lots of new additions, some changes, and more fun!

It can be found here!

Have fun and keep it kinky!

-Haven De Lancret

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Threesomes, The Mathosexual Possibilities of +1

This has got to be one of the most popular fantasies out there. The thought of being with two members of your sexual preference has crossed just about everyone’s mind at some point. It becomes an even hotter fantasy when including someone that you have an intimate connection with (like your SO). But it can also be the fastest way to ruin friendships, lose lovers, or end a marriage.

With that in mind, I thought that I would tell you my thoughts and offer “Havens Guide to Happy Threesomes”. No this is not a guarantee that by following these steps that things are not going to end in a disaster, but I can tell you that following these steps has made so that friendships are not lost, feelings are not hurt and even if the threesome doesn’t happen that the other relationships are still there.

Since most threesomes happen while already in a committed relationship, I am going to write this towards that situation. But really, these can work as well if its three single people to some extent.

I want to start by facing why threesomes can end badly... Can you guess what the biggest reason? Times up, JEALOUSY!!! , The green eyed monster. This the biggest hurdle when having a threesome is dealing with that jealousy. So let’s find out why people get jealous.

Think about your fantasy of the threesome, not just the hot sex part, but really think about it. It involves your SO, you, and... Who? , A celebrity? , A no face, no name body? These are the most common “third party” in fantasies. Rarely have I heard that in the fantasy is the third party an ex lover, or someone that you already know. The reasons I point this out is because feelings can change once a face that you both know gets added to that fantasy. What was once a hot fantasy figure now has a face and now you are getting jealous that “Bob” is really enjoying that blowjob from your SO.

This is where “Moving at the speed of comfort” comes into play. In a threesome, or any fantasy, you should move at the slowest persons comfort level. Along those line, the one being shared (which usually an SO) should NEVER think that their SO’s feelings are wrong. You may be enjoying what’s going on, but if your SO is not, for ANY reason, then that should be your primary concern and not how close to getting your cookie you were. If you don’t then these steps are useless to you.

Ok, so you have heard my warnings, you have found a willing third party, and you want to have your threesome. GREAT, it can be an absolutely fantastic time. Especially in a 2 on 1 situation, the “1” is going to be getting a lot of attention. Now it’s onto the what.

In your planning your threesome, the place is very important, at least for the first few times that you do anything. The first times should be in a neutral place, like a hotel room. This way everyone has somewhere to go back to, and if things do go bad, a place that will not remind them of what happened all the time. Also, threesomes should NEVER take place in the couple’s bedroom; I feel that this is a sacred place and should be left that way. Yes if things are great, then you have now worries, but if things go bad once you start doing things at your own house then you will again have a safe haven to go to.

You are going to want to go through the following steps with a talk break in between each. By this, you should stop all contact between the three of you, light a smoke, get a drink and talk about what’s just happened. How does everyone feel, HONESTLY? Is everyone still comfortable, everyone still happy at what’s going on?

Ok, now since there are three of you, and two that probably have some sexual history by this point I want to point out that even though the SO’s have been down this road before, you CAN NOT rush into what you have already done and jump steps. To do so while making the third party stay at different level of contact is rude and can make them feel left out now. So, all three people must stay at the same step. So if you’re just making out, then it’s making out for EVERYONE. Got it??? Ok....

As you move from step to step, remember that it is the third party that you are all here for. They should always be the first one to have the next step. The couple has already done all these things, so it would be rude to do them in front of them before they get a chance to do it when they are the “new” toy. In the same line of thought, the active member of the couple should always be the one making the initiation of each new step. This will make the third party feel welcomed and invited as opposed to feeling like they are pushing in on the established couple.

Now these are slow steps, and it will take more time than just getting to the fucking, but by taking your time and doing it right you can decrees the chances that anyone is going to get hurt. So take your time, and do not be afraid to spread these steps over a few encounters to see how things work. Remember, move at the speed of comfort for everyone.

The Steps...

Flirting:
Start with just flirting with the third party, if it’s a FMF situation then start by having the male flirt with the 2nd female. Just plain old, talking, leaning in close, maybe talking with hands on legs, etc... You know, pretend like you’re going to pick her up. Now in most cases this has already happened by the time you get to have the threesome, but I still wanted to point it out.

The Kiss:
And just that, a soft kiss between with the third party. And stop at one, I know this may sound silly but trust me, seeing your SO kiss someone other than you or their parents can turn you hot and bothered boyfriend into the biggest asshole. So just one and stop...

Kissing:
Ok, now it’s time for a bit more intimate, longer, lingering, deeper kissing... Maybe a little tongue play, but keep it small and quick. Also start to hold each other close. Do this for no more than a half an hour or so before taking your break.

High School Make Out:
Just what it sounds like, start making out like you’re in high school again (just not like me in HS). Deep kissing, hands exploring all over each other’s bodies ABOVE the clothes, holding close, grinding into each other, and all the sighing and gasps that come.

Let get ready to FONDLE:
Time for some clothes to come off or at least be moved aside. And remember to include everything that you have done up to this point (kissing and such) otherwise, well, it just don’t work. Feel the weight of that breast, give him a good stroke. Either under the clothes or just remove them. Do this for awhile but make sure no one gets to carries away... IE no one gets a cookie!

Wet your lips:
Everyone good so far? Good, time to see how your oral skills are, and I do not mean vocal questions. So lick your lips, and kiss your way to those naughty spots and see how they taste. Enjoy this for no more then 30 minutes for each person. Now if this is where things are going to end for this encounter then by all means make sure everyone gets a cookie... or two... If this not where you are going to stop, then no cookie for you!

Tab A into Slot B:
You have made it this far... Now it’s time to get everyone happy! But keep it simple and probably to missionary sex for the first round. Don’t worry, if you have gotten this far then you will be ready for more again, and again.... and.... again....

More than Missionary:
Ok, final step... at this point everything goes, have fun... fucking! Save one piece... If you or any of you enjoy anal sex, keep that as one more step. Or, if it’s within the SO that do, do like the porn stars and keep that for you.

If at any point that anyone feels anger, jealousy, bad, or even slightly unsure about anything that happening, speak up and stop all fun. This is no time to hold your tongue. If someone does say stop, then the others involved need to stop, even if you are about to have the biggest orgasm you have ever had. Now all of you need to talk about what happened. Was it just when someone bite the others neck? If so, will not doing that be enough to get back to the steps.

If not, then no one should feel bad about calling a stop to things. It is ok to call a stop to things, go home sleep on it, and maybe decide that it’s not that big of a deal and want to try again, or that no, you can’t deal with it. That is fine, that is why you are taking it slow.

If someone calls stop, they do not have to give a reason, just being uncomfortable is enough to call stop to things. This is how relationships are maintained, and things are kept from blowing up in everyone’s face.

As always, keep it kinky and have fun!

-Haven