Friday, August 20, 2010

Finding another.

So you want to find someone to have some fun with? This is a common question that I get from both singles or couples. How do you find that person, where do I look for them, etc... So here are a few thoughts on how to find that other person.

I want to start by pointing out that to find someone (for just a little fun or for a long term relationship) you need to just be you. Yes, strange as that sounds, just be you. If you are faking yourself, or putting on an act to try and attract someone then you are lying to them about how you really are. The person you want to attract is someone that is attracted to you for you and not some fake you (Leave the make believe to sparkly vampire movies).

That being said, you should also not dwell on your search for another. No one wants to be around someone that is constantly bitching about how they don't have someone, or that they are lonely. This also ties into the first part of being yourself. If you are dwelling on your loneliness then you are not being you, or at least the fun version of you that others will be attracted to. So try very hard not to think about your loneliness and focus on just being a happy.

Where do you look? EVERYWHERE!!! No really, you never know where you might find that other person anywhere you go during your everyday life. From the gas station to the local munch, a friends party to any other social gathering. Just be open to meet new people and keep that little of thought of “could they be the one?” as you go through your day. You never know when that new person will fall onto your lap in tight pleather pants...

So what if you have been doing that, looking around as you go about your daily life... What else... Get the fuck out of the house! Get out and socialize more. Put down the TV remote, the game controller, shut off the computer (NOT NOW, wait till your done reading this, then shut it off) and get out. See if any of your friends are throwing a party, find a local club to join for a hobby of yours, or join a sports team.

Oh, and before you say “None of my friends are throwing a party?” Then take some initiative, and throw one yourself and invite your friends with instructions to bring other friends with them. Another idea is set up an open night at your house for friends to come over. Make it a game night, or movie night. Let you friends know that every Wednesday (or any day) you open your doors for them to come over and do what ever. Let them know they can bring other friends with them when you are showing the new Vampire movie, or that you have picked up a new adult game.

So there you are, few ideas to help you find someone...

As always, feel free to comment or add your own thoughts (anonymously even) or if you have personal question you can send it to

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven De Lancret


  1. Another good tip is Hygiene.. but then again that should go without sayin..

  2. I always agree that if you can enjoy their company non sexually the rest is easier to define. Especially in a poly situations(s)

  3. I can't agree more with you. Especially with being yourself. I have always followed the rule of " IF you can't like me for me, then I don't need you in my life!" I know that I am loud and bitchy, so it takes a strong person to deal with me.

  4. not to mention if its 2 women and one sounds hot in context but that's a lot of hard work x2...I don't envy him =)