Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Kinky as I am Glossery and Safty

The following is my glossary, or my interpretation of the following terms. I offer this to give you a better understanding of how I see things when reading the rest of my writings.

BDSM, fetish, kink, just about all of us have heard these terms before. You may not know an exact definition of what they mean, but you have a good idea what they are. The worst thing is, each of these terms mean something different depending on who you talk to. What I can do is give you what they mean to most people and how they are used in the adult world of fun.

Lets start off with BDSM. You can ask 10 different people what it means and you will get 10 different answers. The worst thing is, non of them would be wrong, really. BDSM as an acronym has various explanations, but on the whole what it means entails them all. From Bondage, Domination, Discipline, Submission, Sadomasochism, Slave, Master, Mistress, etc. BDSM is all of these and more.

Fetish is one of those words that means something different in common language then the textbook definition. By the dictionary, a fetish is some activity or object that must be present to reach sexual climax. Now a days, it means any activity or object that turns you on. Fetishes can be anything from a type of material to a sound, an activity to a feeling. So yes, BDSM is fetishes.

Kink or kinky is what a lot of people use to describe those that have or indulge in their fetishes or BDSM. Kinky has also been used in the past to describe anyone that has sex in anyway other then missionary, lights off, and married. What you view as kinky might be different then your best friend. This term in particular is always up for impression.

Top and Bottom are two terms that I will use a lot. A top is someone that does a physical act, like binding, beating, or spanking. A bottom is the receiver of what a top is doing, the one getting bound, beaten, or spanked.

Dominant and Submissive are behavioral aspects of BDSM. A dominant is someone that takes control of a situation, scene, or person. A submissive is the person that gives up that control. This power exchange is done consensually and freely. If there is not consent, then the dominant is out of control themselves and should be avoided (or reported to the cops if their actions are illegal) and the submissive is being victimized. You can not take control with out someone else releasing their control. In other words, you can not be Dominant with out someone being submissive. Yes you can have Dominant leanings, but you can not truly dominant over someone that is not willing to release that control to you. It is my opinion that neither dominant or submissive is stronger then the other, you simple can not have one without the other.

Switch is used from time to time when talking about topping or bottoming, dominance and submissive. This simply means that you like both sides, or can "switch" between the two.

Limits are just that, what you are not or really do not want to do. A limit you will not cross is called a Hard Limit. Example: "Hell no I will not do THAT!" IE: Hard Limit. A limit that you have no interest in or are very hesitant to try would be a Soft Limit. You might do it for the right person or under only particular circumstances.

Safety, I cannot stress enough the importance of this. The safety of the person receiving is bar none the most important thing in BDSM even more so then the pleasure. The first of which is a safe word or signal. This can be anything but it is suggested that it not be something that comes up in you sexual act or scene. So "Ouch, you son of a bitch" is not a good safe word as you never know when that just might be said. Good words are "Red", "Nine" (as in German for no), or you mothers name (But who knows that might be your fetish) to use as a “All Stop”. Another side is a warning word. This commonly is “yellow” and means that something is not right but that the bottom still wants to continue. The main thing is that you talk about it and discus a safe word before the first cuff is tightened. Green can also be used to say everything is great and to keep going (Yes, just like a traffic light)!

In some situations (like a gagged bottom) a safe word is just not possible; the solution is a sign or signal. I personal favorite for this is practice golf balls in each of the bottoms hands. They are light, easy to hold, and are very hard to brake from dropping of squeezing. If the bottom drops one ball then I know that she is starting to get uncomfortable and needs the scene to take another direction. If both drop then it's all stop and time to get her ungagged to find out the problem… If the first thing she says is the safe word after the gag comes off, well you get the idea.

Once you have your safe word established, you should memorizes it and always remember it. During any part of your play if one of you speaks the safe word all activities stop until the speaking party feels comfortable again. In layman’s terms, if you have your boyfriend tied down to the bed, blindfolded, while you are blow him and are trying to stick a finger in his ass and he says the safety word you stop, end of story.

As always feel free to comment, and keep it kinky!

-Haven

No comments:

Post a Comment