Friday, November 18, 2011

Whining, The Arsnic of Realationships

If you asked me to name the one thing that can kill a relationship, its whining.  No, doing it once will not do it, but over time, whining is like relationship poison.  Every time it happens its just a little more grinding, every time it wares away at the relationship just a little more.  We have all been there with someone in our life, where they whine all the time, and each time its chips away at us, until it takes the last chip out of the damn and the emotions pour over us like so much muddy water.

The real problem is, that even as we were kids we have been told not to whine, but did anyone ever tell you how what you say is whining, or what you are doing to come across as whining?  I am guessing not.  One of the things that I have realized over the years is that a lot of people don't put a lot of thought into the tone of what they are saying.  Ever hear the phrase "Half of what you say is how you say it?"  This was a phrase that I grew up with, and what it means is that when you speak that half of your message is in the words you use, and the rest is in how you say it with your tone (If you are face to face with someone then also your body language as well.)

So what is whining?  Its hard to explain in words, but here goes.  Whining is usually in a higher pitch, sounds like a plea or a complaint, usually depressed tone, and sometimes is repetitious.  It also makes the person that is hearing the whining or that is getting whined to feel upset, aggravated, or simple to not want to talk to that person any more.  We all have had kids in our lives that have whined at or around us.  That niece at the Thanksgiving table that whines until she gets her stuffing, or that kid in the store whining for a toy, or that damn emo kid on the bus that just won't shut up about how bad his life is with his "normal" parents...

You get my point...

In every one of those examples, the same message could have been conveyed without whining.  So back to romantic relationships, and the most common whine, "I miss you."  By its self, not a usually a problem.  But when you whine it, your message of longing becomes a message of "Its your fault your not here" or, "I WANT MY MOMMY" even if thats not what you meant, thats what whining tells the other person.

Instead, I suggest using up beat, and hopeful tones.  Say things like "Man I can't wait to hold you again" or, "Just you wait, when I see you again, I am never letting go," ok, maybe that last one might seem a bit much, but I think you get the idea.  Whining can take something nice and make it depressing.  I encourage you to listen to yourself, see if your whining, and if you are, STOP IT!

That should do it, as always, comments and messages always welcome.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't express exactly what killed my marriage, but yeah, I think his whining was a huge part of it. The trouble with whining is, as you said, that so often people are unaware that they are whining. The worst part, though, is that it's never something serious that's being whined about, it's about something stupid like what to eat for dinner. It can go unnoticed for years, until it's already too late.

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