Thursday, December 29, 2011

Teaching class in Detroit!

Thats right, I will be teaching my Sensual Sadism class in Detroit on Tuesday, Jan 3rd.

Here is a link to the FetLife Event page.

Come one out and see or meet me there.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Pussy, Natural Energy



Now in a bottle!

http://www.pussydrinks.com/home.html

Ok, so I am going to try and get some of this ordered to my house...  Hope the shipping doesn't kill me...

Keep it, WET!

-Haven

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Article "On Perverts & Privilege" from Good Vibes

Great article the privilege found with the BDSM community.  Looking more specifically the events around the SF area, but it holds true to any community.  It goes into some awareness that even I had not thought about.

On Perverts and Privilege by Kitty Stryker on Good Vibrations

Take a read,

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Friday, December 16, 2011

The Law and BDSM

So I came across this while doing some other research.  The piece is called The Pleasure of Pain, by Bruce Gross.  I think all should read the part of the piece about "Bending and Beating the Law" about half way down the page and continued on the next page.  

The whole article can be found here.

I think everyone that plays with BDSM should read that part just for education.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Sex Manuals of the Past, Part 3

Here is the final part of my 3 part piece on Sex Manuals of the Past.

At this time, Hindu beliefs on sex had saturated India.  These beliefs were somewhat based on the early European Christianity of the Aryan invaders during what we now call the Crusades.  The Hindu belief was based on the Vedas, or the Bible of Light, and within those beliefs was a very class conscious society that degraded those native to the lands they invaded down to meaningless slaves.  This was reinforced by the Hindu belief in Karma, which stated that if one lived “correctly” that they when they died they would be reincarnated in a position higher then they were in. However if they behaved “incorrectly” that they would be reincarnated in a lower position.  Through this system of Karma, the Hindu belief controlled the population.

This Karmic and class system belief was the basis of the Hindu sex manuals, like the Ananga Ranga.  Within this they divide women into 4 classes within Hindu, and then all other women into a fifth subclass.  They also use the Karmic belief of doing things “correctly” to bring about a monogamous society, with infidelity being one of the gravest sins.  However, the writers of the Ananga Ranga know that we as humans are sexual beings, so they offered many ideas as to how a married couple could keep things interesting in the bedchamber.  The thought was that the main reason for infidelity was the desire for varied pleasures.  By offering those varied pleasures withing the couple through the teachings of the Ananga Ranga.

The Ananga Ranga discusses mostly the differences between men and women, how those difference make us strong or weak, as well as how they are supposed to behave.  Most of this is due to the influence of the Karmic beliefs, but it does show that a lot of emphasis was placed on the body before sex, in cleanliness, preparing for sex, and setting the body for sex.  However it also spends a good amount of space on how to choose a good wife, and what to look for in a wife, as well as why to take a wife of your same caste.  It spends, as a whole, very little on the actual sex itself, but I find that they would place so much emphasis on the body and on the relationship before sex.  You can see how these beliefs of monogamy influenced later thoughts about sex.  It is truly intriguing how they took the ideas of monogamy from the early Bible, and added the Arabic ideas of cleanliness and relationships.

All of these ancient texts sex manuals have had an influence in today's sexual practices, ideals, and thoughts.  With the knowledge of these old texts, we can better understand how and why some of our present beliefs have come to be.  You can see that these ancient teachings have been passed from person to person, through a new form of oral tradition in some cases before the texts became popular again in the mid 19th century.  Now to look back we can also now see how even some of those ancient beliefs have managed to shape our feelings about sex today, even in the 20th century.  While some of the practices mentioned in these texts are now know to be extremely painful and medically dangerous, there is still a lot about relationships and how to share the most intimate of acts with another within these old sexual manuals.

References:

Sex in History By Reay Tannahill

Ananga Ranga Stage of the bodiless one, Hindu art of love by Kalayana Malla. Translated by F. F. Arbuthnot and Richard F. Burton and Pharmacopeia “Ars Amoris indca” by H. S. Gabers and S. Rama. Medical Press of New York 1964


The cComplete KamaSutra

As always, comments allways welcome, either here or at KinkyasIam@gmail.com

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Toys for a lap dance?

You know, we all can d our part to help less privileged kids get presents this year...  By giving a toy and getting a lap dance! No really, this is happening:

Now thats what I call charitable marketing!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

To Spice Up the Holidays

If your like me, then the holidays can be rather depressing.  Bad economy, stories of presents being stolen, family stress, etc.  In the end, it can be very hard to find time relax, and enjoy yourself.  So, in hopes of cheering myself up, as well as hopefully passing the joy on to you, I offer you the following links and lists to help spice and sex up your holidays.

To start off, with the inundation of holiday movies on TV, I give you the following.  Top 10 Christmas Porn Movies by GameLink and 10 Holiday Horror Flicks by Bloody Good Horror.

Anyone else irritated that the stores have been playing holiday music since Thanksgiving?  Man, its gotten to the point where I don't even want to go to my kids holiday show for fear of hearing the same damn songs.  Well, do what I do, learn some naughty parodies.  That way you will be laughing the whole time your shopping as the adult words filter though your brain.

I Saw Mommy Fucking Santa

Grandpa Got Run Over By a Beer Truck

Jingle Bell Cock

And what holiday would not be complete with out new clothes?  Now I am not talking about the underwear that you grandma gave you, oh no, I am talking about the stuff that makes you want to do more then kiss under the mistletoe.  So here are a few of the sites that I shop from when it comes to sexy holiday clothes.  Lingerie Diva and  3 Wishes.  There is of course Fredrick's and Vickie's Secret if you want.  I also keep my dollars local, so head on down to your local adult store and you ill see that most of them right now will have plenty of holiday clothing just waiting for you.

I hope this cheers you up as it did me.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Sex Manuals of the Past, Part 2


This is part two of three in Sex Manuals of the Past.  Part one can be found here.

Before the Kama Sutra was written, there were other texts that were already circulating in country’s that had started trading with India some time around the fourth century A.D. One of which was the Tao doctrine, or The Way of the Chinese. This belief could not be more opposite of the western beliefs of Christianity that were being developed around the same time. The Tao belief was that the way to heaven or the divine was through sex, going as far as to say that a man could increase his chances of getting into “Heaven” by sleeping with as many women as he could, including promoting sex with multiple women within one night.

Within the Tao belief is based upon the concept Yin and Yang, a energy with men and women and the need to have these energies in balance. These energies are described much like what we now know as hormones. Intercourse was used to balance these energies. Yang was the masculine energy while Yin is the energy of a women. When a couple performs sexual acts, the Taoist believed that these energies were transferred between the partners. In a fashion they were correct, as it describes that a mans Yang can be exhausted and he will need to rest to restore his Yang, in this they could have been referring to the semen and seminal fluid. Tao’s also describes a woman's Yin to be ever abundant and without limit.

The Taoist believed that a man's Yang was not to be wasted, so while they did involve fellatio in their sexual practices, it was considered to be “unhealthy” to do so until ejaculation. This same belief also passed into their belief of masturbation for men, and so was rare. On the flip side of this coin, there were no restrictions made on women when it came to masturbation and oral sex, in fact it was encouraged as a way to increase the “flow” or energy during sex. For these reasons, while it was seen as normal to have same sex relationships, for both sexes, it was considered unhealthy to restrict yourself to only same sex relations. This idea of energy flow and seeing sex as an art can easily be seen just in the names of the positions that they used. The four basic postures are called: The Unicorns Horn (woman on top), Close Attraction (laying side by side and face to face), and The Fish Sunning Itself (rear entry). The rest of the 26 positions are titled in a similar manor with some very artful names. Some highlights are: Cat and Mice Sharing a Hole, A Phoenix Playing in a Red Cave, Butterflies in Flight, and A Huge Bird Above a Dark Sea.

There were many sex manuals published in both the Han and Shin dynasties in China. Most of which were based around the “Jade Chamber”, which loosely could be seen as the bedchamber, as they were grouped together as the “Art of the Bedchamber.” Within these manuals they not only discussed the act of intercourse, but also many of the other aspects of foreplay, relationships, and warnings of when to have sex. It was said in most of these that if either party was not receptive to the others sexual advances that it could be harmful to the unwilling party. This early mention of consent speaks that while the Tao belief may have been one of high sexual desire, that it had to be with the consent of both and not just the male as is depicted in most early male dominant civilizations.

It was once thought by western scholars that the Chinese did not believe in kissing as they thought the Chinese considered it close to cannibalism. It was later discovered that this was a miscommunication, and that the Chinese did kiss but viewed it as something done as part of the sex act and to be done in private and not in the public eye. This belief shows us that the Taoists considered anything intimate, while a religious experience, it was also something that was also only to be witnessed by the parties involved. However, while this experience in the Taoist eyes were a private, it was also seen as something to be shared. To this end, it was not uncommon for a follower of Tao to take on many wives and concubines. Granted your class and wealth dictated how many you would have, with the royalty having hundreds, the upper class having somewhere around a hundred, the middle class in the neighborhood of double digits, and the peasants might be lucky to have over five.

There are some parts of the Tao texts that talk about group sex, orgies, and involving more then just one partner (usually another wife or concubine), it was not unheard of that parties would be held just for the act of balancing your Yin and Yang. These parties were sometimes held as a way to “heal” someone stricken with an illness, and could involve multiple households. This lifestyle of polygamy was characterized within the marriage ceremony, where the principle new wife brought along her sisters and maids along with her to become secondary wives to him. While this might seem odd to any raised in a monogamous society, this custom where the marriage was prearranged by the groom, the grooms family and the brides family, the new bride might not meet her new husband until there weeding, and upon which was moved into his family compound. Here she would meet the rest of her new family for the first time the morning following her wedding. So in this she was completely separated from her family, having her sisters and maids with her allowed some familiarity in her now very unfamiliar world. This custom was also viewed as odd by the other major influence of the Kama Sutra, in the form of the Hindu beliefs whom at this same time were starting trade with India in the fourth century A.D.

Part three will be up on Friday.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Monday, December 12, 2011

Sex Manuals of the Past, Part 1

This is part one of three about three of the more popular sex manuals from the past.

For as long as humans have been been on this earth, we have engaged in sex. Sex is a necessity for our existence, and since we as human beings have been on this earth for thousands of years, we can assume that we have been having sex as far back as the first human walked the earth. While we know that we have been having sex, the practices of sex have changed much over time. I have been fascinated with those practices, but more specifically why those sexual practices came to be and within that how those practices of the past have shaped those of today. I hope that withing this paper I can offer some explanations of those practices as well as give some light as to the history of the sexual practices of present day.

Unfortunately, today only some of the texts and documentation have survived for us to study. While much has been done to restore some of those old texts, they have been translated from and into many languages, we still can only guess at some of the practices from before human civilization first started to form around the middle east. We can, from research done into artifacts, drawings, and remnants of our very early existence draw conclusions as to what we as humans did in the dark of night. Reay Tannahill discusses this in his book “Sex in History”(1980) neanderthal humans had some preliminary “rules” for sex. From the first taboo of incest, which came about after small tribes of neanderthals started to gather into clans for hunting purposes, then bringing about gatherings that out of which came multi-tribe pairings. That even at this early stage of existence, without the knowledge of DNA and the problems that can come from inbreeding, that we knew that we had to pair with those outside of our own family. This instinctual knowledge followed us into the first civilizations. It is known from what we have been able to ascertain that sex was used as a show of dominance within a tribe or clan. While dominance still remains within the sexual arts throughout time, at the beginning of the human race it is believed that it was much more prevalent then at any other time in our history. It is after this time that we start to see the documentation of sex and relationships in the writings of the first civilizations.


While there were some texts about sex with early Egyptians, Greeks, and Rome, they were all mere mentions as opposed to full information within one volume. They did document some of the practices of those times, and made some strives in both sexual freedoms, explorations, and thoughts. This is not to lower the stature of the sexual exploration of those times, but there was not definitive text as of yet in those civilizations. These early civilizations did influence that later full texts that were to emerge in the next stage in the evaluation of human kind.

Of the few texts that still remain today about sexual practices, the most commonly known is the Kama Sutra. It should be noted that while the Kama Sutra is a text about sex, relationships, and courting, it is only one of three volumes (Dharma for moral values, Artha for material goods or wealth, and Kama for erotic practices) that were intended to be read as a whole. It was though in those texts that the collection as a whole were the best practices to become a better person. While lots of people will focus on the just the Kama Sutra, more commonly it is just the sexual positions within the Kama Sutra that are publicized. The Kama Sutra was much more then just a collection of positions, it goes into great depth of how to prepare your body to perform at its best during sexual activities. From the suggestions that women should learn a fighting art form to learn control, balance, and conditioning. It also suggests that men should learn to sing, not only to help in courtship but also to learn breath control and increase stamina.

The Kama Sutra also goes into great depth as to how to relationships. From the proper ways of the time to contact a woman to the ways to interact with a married women that you wish to proposition for sex. These relationship interactions were taken vary seriously by all of the time. The relationship, as per the Kama Sutra, also spelled out what could be expected within that relationship. Discussing the duties of both parties in and out of the bedroom. This lead to much less misunderstandings between lovers, whom would have know what was expected of them as well as what they could expect from their partner. I find this to be a very enlightened idea that many people today could take a page from, so to speak, by removing the possibilities of misunderstandings by having expectations laid out before hand.

The Kama Sutra also talks about how to increase ones sex drive in many forms. From changing the location of your sexual activities, to the first use of incense, objects, or even media in the form of statues and paintings to increase the sexual desire of both parties. It discusses what scents bring forth sexual desire, and even what scents bring out what type of sexual desire from peaceful to aggressive. It talks about the use of phallic shaped objects being used to help in pleasure for both men and women. It even says of materials these objects should be made. This could be taken as the first use of porn as a way to increase sexual desire. It also makes a mention of learning your partners sexual desires, or what turns them on in modern terms, which could also be taken as one of the earliest documentation of fetishes. From research we know that while in present day, the Kama Sutra might be one of the most popular of the ancient texts about sex, it is not the earliest.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Questions from readers

I had a few questions from readers, so as promised here they are with answers.

I'm interested in kink but my life partner finds it a little strange. He is willing to choke me a little once in a while but I can tell he is uncomfortable with it so it's not as hot. Any advice?

Be reassuring when he does do it, let him know how hot it was for you (even if its not as hot as you want).  The point is for your SO to know that you like what they did.  Do you have a safeword/signal?  Having a safeword/signal will let him know that if he ever goes to far that you can tell him to stop.  Another idea would be to find some erotica with breathplay in it from the receivers point of view, so her can read how it makes someone else feel.

Would you ever cheat on your wife? If so, what would it take for you to do so?

No, I would never cheat on my wife.  One, cheating is one of the few things that I just can't stand.  There is no reason for it, its the cowards way out.  If you are unhappy with your relationship, then end the relationship and then its not cheating.  Far too often people try and find "reasons" or "excuses" or even blame their partner for why they cheated, when really if boils down to this.  You made a commitment, if you don't want to uphold that commitment anymore, then end the commitment.

Two, my wife and I can take on other partners as long as the other approves and is within the guidelines that we have established. There by removing that as a reason.  There are plenty of ways to also involve others without having to be cheating.  non-monogamous pairs have been around for years.  The big differance here is communication, of which my wife and I have a lot.  

I want to start of by saying that I'm extremely impressed with your blog. Unlike the few I've seen before, it isn't just a shade of cosmopolitan magazine, and truly supports the learning process of sex. I'm emailing you because I wasn't really sure if the comment box was working and I wanted the opportunity to hear your input. I like the idea of showing my dominance in the bedroom, but with a lack of creativity I have a hard time getting beyond just telling her what I want. At a certain point it's simply having regular sex except I've told her to do it. I know that dominance can be established in other ways, and I'd hate to give up the practice because it's becoming repetitive. Do you have any suggestions for a situation like this?

Thank you for your kind words. I due try and offer a wide variety of topics and try to offer as aspects of of that topic as I can. I feel that sex is one of the few topics that you can never learn it all, even myself.

Have you read the blog I wrote about Dominance and submission in the bedroom?
How your Dominance and submission for the two of you is going to play out, is up to you. Have you talked about what might be off limits for her to do? Once you know whats off limits to do, you can start from there on coming up with ideas of what to do. You can tell her to masturbate for you, to wear a specific outfit or style of clothing for you, really the possibilities or only limited by your own mind. If you still need some help, find out what she is not willing to do, what she really likes, what you like and let me know. I can see what I can come up with for you.

One way that I get ideas is to read erotica with a BDSM theme. A good site for this is Literotica.com. Read a few stories along the lines of what you like and see what kind of creative juices get flowing.

Thanks for the questions. I really do enjoy getting them. 

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Article about hearing "No"

A great article about hearing "no" when you don't want to from Good Vibrations.

Taking "No" like a Champ

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Monday, December 5, 2011

Another round of the 10 things that piss me off...

Its been awhile since I made my list of things that miss me off, while my earlier ones found here still do piss me off, there have been a few more that have been added to the list.  So here we go, another round of the 10 things that piss me off...

10. Men's Fashion: Have seen what some men are wearing these days?  What the hell happened to mens fashion?  I am not talking about the average jeans and a tee shirt guys, that has been a norm for years.  No, I am talking about some of the other fashion fails that have been walking around the streets.  To start, skinny jeans on guys, now I have no problem with flamboyant, in touch with your famine side guys, but skinny jeans are just to damn much.  This is a look that looks great on a women, but the high watered, so tight I can tell of your circumcised, and what kind of underwear you have on is just wrong on a guy.  If you want to cross dress then take it all the way and stop half assing it.  Get the high heals, the blouse and bra and do it right.

Another one is sagging pants.  Really, even if your stained underoos had something to say or were made of gold I still don't want to see them as you walk down the street with one arm holding them up!  This was started in prisons to say who wanted to to be fucked, so all you gangsta wanbees are saying you want to taken by a guy named Buba?  Pull up your pants, use a damn belt and have some fucking respect for yourself.

Last, for this rant, I am appalled at the lack of pride in the appearance in men.  If your going to be going to a formal function, like a wedding, make the damn effort to look good, even if you don't have a suit, wear a clean shirt and jeans, brush your hair, shave and make your self look good.  Heck, you can look good in just jeans and a tee, with about 5 mins in front of a mirror with a comb/brush and razor.  Take some damn pride in yourself.  I have heard men bitch about their lady letting herself go and not looking good, but at the same time it looks like they haven't bathed in months and have hair that Lady Gaga wouldn't even wear.  Take some pride and time to make yourself look good before stepping out of the house.

9. Speaker phones: No one else wants to hear your conversation about your baby daddy drama while walking through the store, or standing in line at the bank.  I really could care less about your personal shit, its personal and should stay that way.  Turn off the speaker or take your phone call outside.  Is it really that hard to hold the damn phone to your head?  If you have been talking so long that it hurts to hold it to your ear (its happened to me, after hours of phone sex) then its time to hang the damn thing off and interact with your surroundings.

8. Talking text speak: I know another about phones, but this one really bugs me.  ROFL means rolling on the floor laughing, so instead of saying ROFL to me, you ass better drop to the floor and start rolling.  Or LOL, it means you laughed out loud you moron, if it was that damn funny then you would have been laughing, and then I would have heard it, and you wouldn't have to tell me that you did it!  Text abbreviation are fine in texting, even in instant messaging, and the occasional email, but it should stay on the screen and not in your everyday talking.  When you do it, you sound like someone that can't put down your crackberry or Ipaid-to-much addiction and should be sent off to Miss Manors Boot Camp for the Socially Inept.

7. Name Brand Addiction: This one has bugged me for years.  Now don't get me wrong, I have some name brands that I buy, but I do for good reasons.  I will admit that I buy certain foods because they taste better to me, but I also have given the off brands or store brands a try.  This is not what I am bitching about. No, I am talking about shit like buying only Amber-crummy & Bitch, Areo-pat-to-much, and the like.  These clothes cost way to much for a company logo being put on something that I can buy cheaper at wally world.  Don't get me wrong, I buy certain things because of the name.  But I do so for a good reason, not just because its over priced clothing.

6. Flavored coffee: A simple one, when I want coffee, I want a coffee!  I want coffee flavored coffee.  Not  mocha, crapa, chino, double latti with a whip on top.  I have whips at home, thank you.

5. Motorized Shopping Carts: Now before you get up in arms about motorized carts being needed for those that can't walk, this is NOT what I am talking about.  I am talking about the ones at the large stores, the ones for loan while you shop.  More specifically, the fat fucks that could use the damn exercise getting around the store buy more food for them to shove in their pie holes.  Now I am not talking about people that are a little over weight, or have a weight problem, they I see walking around.  No its the ones where the problem is they eat to damn much and then take the carts from those that need it.  Like the girl forced to hobble around the store with a broken leg because all the carts were being used by fat asses.  That an 80 year old women had to go wait in her car until one became available.  Get off your ass and walk and maybe, just maybe you would loose some weight...

4. Something is gay: If something is Gay, then its happy.  It is not dumb, stupid, crappy, or any other derogatory term.  Way to many young people have been using Gay in the wrong way, and it needs to stop.  I have turned on friends for using this, and I will do it to anyone.  I know, I will start walking around saying, "Oh, that's straight..." But I don't think anyone will get the meaning...

3. Littering: This should be simple, but I will say it anyway.  How hard is it to put your trash where it goes?  What, you think all the rest of us like to pick up after you?  There are trash cans all over the place, at gas stations, in parking lots, stores, your own damn house!  Oh, and if I ever see someone throwing a bottle full of piss out the window I swear I will pick it up and throw it back into their car!

2. Disposable Crap:  I know that companies want to make money, but what the hell happened to making a quality product?  I would spend more, and buy quality when ever I find it.  When TV's are made to stop working in 3 years, cars fall apart in 5, and computers are almost throwaway items these days.  No wonder the economy sucks, when you have to keep spending money we don't have re-buying crap all the damn time.

1. Anti-Theft devices: Not that I mind the idea of store protecting their merchandise, but when stores have to start locking up razor blades, razor blades!  Stop stealing you ungrateful pricks!  It ends up costing us all, and even when you do get away with it the first few times, when you do go to buys something you end up paying for the cost then.  So stop stealing and we all will save, dumb asses...

Well there we go, maybe not as good as the first list, but still things that piss me off...

-Haven

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Great article about misleading stories about sex research

This is a great article about how some media source skew sex research into something negative.  So here, I am spreading the ccorrect info.  Please read.

Good Vibrations "Another Case of Misleading Headlines About Sex Research"

Pass it on and keep it kinky!

-Haven

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Iowa teen speaking out on gay marriage.

A great video.  I think more need to come forward like this.  This is what this is really about.  This young man should be commended.

Well done!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Article on abstinence not working from Good Vibes

What a shock, a good read, take a look.

Abstinence not working from Good Vibes

Keep it kinky!

-Haven