Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Booking Haven deLancret

Thank you for your interest in having me present at your next event.  These are the presentations that I can do. Before contracting me about your event, please have an idea of what presentations you would like.

My standard compensation is

  • $100.00 USD per hour presentation or class
  • Travel expenses from Kalamazoo, MI
  • Entrance into your event for myself and my girl, Calla Lillie.  
  • If you would like me to present on more then one day, or, I am travelling more then four hours then I will also ask for overnight accommodation be provided.
I am willing to be flexible and negotiate on compensation, so do not be afraid to contact me for fear of not being able to afford the compensation.  You contact me for booking info at kinkyasiam@gmail.com.  I look forward to hearing from you!

-Haven deLancret

Friday, April 13, 2012

Sub-Shop Closing

So I found out last night that one of my favorite adult toys stores is closing.  Autumn's Sub Shop will be closing its doors soon.  I have bought many toys from them, recommended them to many of you, and while it saddens me to see this great site go down (snicker) for the last time, they are clearancing out everything until they close.

Check them out before they close,

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Polyamorous, another round

This will be a continuation of my thoughts on poly relationships, or non-monogamous relationships (thank you Ethical Slut for that one).  My first blogs on poly can be found here: Polyamorous, lovers of many... and Feeling Alone in Poly.  I would suggest reading them first so that you have a base for my further thoughts, but that is just a suggestion.

In the past few months I have been asked a lot of questions and discussions about non-monogamy.  These have lead me to do some deep thinking on the topic, on what makes poly work or doesn't, what works for others and me.  What I have found is that while my original blogs are still true, I found some ideas that I wanted to share.

I write the following towards established relationships that are looking to explore non-monogamy, or those that are single and looking for the joys of multiple relationships.  I do this because it is very rare to find both of your partners at the same time, or more commonly, advice for the third party is absent in more literature that I have found.

Needs, we all have them, some are easy to fill, others are not.  We can try to find one person that fills all those needs, or find someone that fills most of them and know that some will never be.  On the other hand, if you had two or more partners to fill those needs, you would not need to find one person to fill them all.  You could have some meet by one partner and the rest filled by the other.  In the end, you have all your needs met, feel happier and more fulfilled.

These needs could be a bisexual that has to only be with a partner of one sex.  It could be a hobby that you want to share, like biking or running, that you would like to have someone close to do that hobby with.  Again, it also could be that you are the type of person that needs to be around people and having that other partner allows you to have be close to one of your partners at all times without smothering them.

Another part of non-monogamy that I feel gets left off is the "third", or the other partner since most (but not all) non-monogamous relationships are an established couple looking to bring in another.  There are those that are poly from the get go and go into all there relationships knowing they are, but it has been my experience that they are less common.

That being said, one of the issues that I hear fairly often is that people that don't have time to date, or they feel they don't have the time to give to a relationship.  While I can understand this, for those that feel they do not have enough time to give someone else in a relationship might find that being a partner to someone that is poly can give them that connection that they want, and as long as that time constraints are discussed and known before hand, can be rewarding to everyone.  It gives that 3 year med student a relationship to call upon when needed, but also the knowledge that they do not feel they are neglecting that relationship.

Unfortunately, there was one dark mark that I wish to address.  When in a non-monogamous relationship, you can not force it.  If someone forces a poly relationship upon a partner that is not fully open and agreeing to it, animosity can happen.  This animosity might not even be directed at the partner or the established relationship, but upon any person that is brought into the relationship.  If there is animosity with in the partners, then there will be issues that will come up.  If one of the partners is upset, then that has to be dealt with and should take priority over all else.  For if these issues and animosities are not, then you will see one if not both of the relationships end.  If there is any doubts, concerns, of even if you feel uneasy, sit down and talk about them.  If your just uneasy, then talk about it but also remember that if this is new, any time you step outside your comfort zone that uneasiness is possible.  So, DO NOT FORCE NON-MONOGAMY ON SOMEONE!

I know that there is so much more that I could write, but I will leave at this for now.  As always comments and questions are welcome, and can be done anonymously.  If you would prefer, you can always use the comment box to the right, or send your comments or questions directly to me at kinkyasiam@gmail.com.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

What does Healthy Sexuality Look Like, From Good Vibes

A wonderful article on what healthy sexuality looks like.  I agree with the author on what our society needs for open, healthy sexuality.

What Healthy Sexuality Looks Like

-Haven

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Whats on your "Girl Code"?

So whats on your Girl Code?  That code that all girls follow.  Like "No friend will date an ex for at least the same amount of time of the relationship."

So whats on you Girl Code?

What is your "Guy Code"?

I would like to know what your Guy Code is?  You know, those written rules that all guys have between each other.  So whats on your Guy Code?  Share a few here, again they can be completely anonymous.

Friday, March 16, 2012

Haven to present at Fantasy & Fetish at Club 616 in GR

I will be presenting on both Friday and Saturday.

Kink 101 on Friday, Sensual Sadism of Saturday.

Come on out and play!

-Haven

Monday, March 12, 2012

For St. Patricks Day

In honor of St Patrick Day, I give you the following Guinness add.



-Haven

Monday, March 5, 2012

Connecting with your SO

We all have connections in our lives, some are more intense then others.  Some of those connections may only be a spark, while others will be etched in our souls for the rest of our lives.  What we do with these connections is up to us.  Some of the strongest connections we have are with our lovers.  However, as life passes, and we move in and out of our we can forget those connections and let them slip to the way side.  When the connection slip with our partner, so can the desire for intimacy.  That is not to say that you can not have intimacy or sex without that connection.

So what is a connection, you may be asking.  For me when it comes to relationships, it comes down to the why.  Why we do things or not do things.  When you look at someone, a celebrity, someone on the street, and you say to yourself "I want to fuck them" why do you think that?  Do you want to fuck them for their pleasure or yours?  Most likely this is said for your own pleasure.  On the other cheek, when you have sex with someone you care about their pleasure is also on your mind.  This is the difference when you have a connection with someone.  When you have a connection, you do things for them because it will make them happy.

Now this is not to say that you can't have fun with someone that you do not have a connection, or even with someone that you have had a connection with that has waned.  I will say that when the connection is there that what is a fun night for your own self pleasure with someone else can be come deeper, more fulfilling, and just might be the kind of attention that poetry is written about.  A sexual connection has caused wars, just remember Cleopatra.

I hope this gives a you a little insight into connecting with your lover.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Setting the "Stage" for Intamacy

Like all great things in life, intimacy takes work.  Granted, there a times when it can come easy, but others it takes some time to put the gears in motion for it all to add up to get the best results.  In that respect, here are somethings that you can do to increase the chances that when the time is right that you both will be in the mood for fun.

Lets start with the bedroom.  Now I am in full support of having intimate fun anywhere (just don't get arrested), however most people keep most of their sexual interactions to the bedroom.  I like to look at the bedroom as the stage upon which we all perform our hot rhythmic dance of desire.  No one wants to dance in a cluttered room, so take the time to make sure that your bedroom is clear of clutter and clean.  No one wants to look over the bed when your changing positions and see the pile of dirty underwear (the ones you just stripped off and are now hanging from the ceiling fan is an exception).

Also, remove any distractions like laptops, ipads, cell phones, or other devices.  In fact, leave them out of the bedroom so your not even tempted to grab it and update your status when you head to bed ("Heading to bed, and boytoy just won't stop kissing my neck").  

Now I am not one for decorating or fung-no, however, I do know that when the bed made with a nice comforter and pillows makes the "stage" more inviting.  Even grab one of those bed skirts to cover those dirty legs and dust bunnies under the bed.  Find someway to make your bed a place that you want to go.  Personally, I like to use red tones for I find that they bring out the passion.

I have mentioned that stress being carried to bed can put a crimp in intimacy.  Anything that you can do to lower that stress, relax, and put the say aside before you head to the bedroom will always better the chances that both of you will want to get your dirty groove on.  If you enjoy yoga or meditate, then try doing a little before heading to the performance space.  Remember the old line that a massage is just a massage?  Its funny because its true, as we become relaxed, those worries and stress leave our minds.  This makes room for other thoughts to fill that space and we all feel the mood more.

Until next time, keep it kinky!

-Haven

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

"Cruising" Article from Good Vibes

An interesting read, about that look that is longer then a glance but shorter then a stare.  I found it very interesting to read.


The Single Girl’s Guide to Cruising



Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Saturday, February 25, 2012

An update

Just so you all know, I have been doing a lot more writing as of late, and I hope to have more blogs up soon but life has been very busy.  With teaching classes, taking classes, and raising a family.

Be on the look out for some erotica that I have been working on be published some time in the next few months, some new classes to be posted, as well as hopefully some photos from recent classes that I have done.  Things have been busy for me, and now we are getting ready for another season of faires and conventions.

No to life, and I will be keeping it kinky!

-Haven

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Advice, feelings, and misplaced emotions.

All of us, at some point, have given advice to someone else.  It could have been on what car to buy, how to play a game, or like me, on relationships.  Now most of the time, this is done with a thank you and you move on.  However, sometimes, you can give advice to someone, and when it might end up that things still don't work.

In some of these cases, I have seen the anger of things not working be turned on the person that gave the advice.  Only in bad TV sitcoms do you have people that give you bad advice just to watch you fail.  In most cases the advice was given with the desire for the other to succeed.  Turning your anger on the person that tried to help is just stupid.  In most cases, the advice was not what brought about the problem, or maybe there was more to the problem then the person giving the advice knew.

The end all is that the advice was given in the hopes of making things better, not worse.  This should be kept in mind and to take out anger on the person that gave the it will also make them very reluctant to ever help again.  The choice to take the advice was up to that person.  When it comes to advice, for me, trust your gut.  If someone tells you to cut out that load baring wall, trust your gut...

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Forced Decisions

I have spent a lot of time talking about what you can do to make you relationship better, so I think its time to talk a bit about the things that I feel you should not do within a relationship.  One things I feel can hurt a relationship the worst is to force a decision.  By this I mean those cases where you ask someone something, like maybe to try something new in bed, and then you hound them about it, or talk about it endlessly, or bring it up everyday asking if they have made a decision.

Things take time, especially when dealing with feelings and emotions.  There are many times when someone is open to an idea until they are faced with it becoming reality, then they find themselves facing some skeletons they did not know they had hiding in the back of there subconsciousness closet.  When thinking through these emotions and feelings, they must come to a conclusion on there own, and any pressure, no matter how well intended, can feel like the world is crashing down.

Most times in my experience, if any outside pressure is given to someone thinking through some personal issues, or even taking time to really think about they are ready to try or do something, that the outcome is always negative.  From saying no and possible feeling that same way about it for a long time after, or they will jump into something they really do not want to do, or have felt pressured to so, and will have feelings of resentment about it.

As an example, I give you the following true story, with the names removed.  I was having a drink with some friends associates when the topic came round to spicing things up in the bedroom.  One male took this time to voice that he was pissed off over an ex-girlfriend of his.  As it turns out, they had broken up about a year ago, and had remained friends-ish and still hung out in the same circle of friends.  he goes on to say that when they were together he had talked to her about trying anal sex.  They went on to try it once, and after she told him that she hated it and would never do it again.  Now I don't know exactly how he found out, but he had found out that this ex-girlfriend and her new SO were having anal sex.

He said that he was pissed because she had said she would never do it again, but here she was doing it with him.  After talking and getting a few more details, it turns out that after he had brought it up the first time, the he would ask her every time they were intimate if she would try it, and by then end it was almost everyday.  When I (and a few others around the table) pointed out that she had simply given into him to make him shut up about it, that she felt pressured into doing it, and there for it really didn't matter if it was good or bad, she hated it for being made to feel she had to do it to get him off her back about it.

Now I don't know the ex or her new SO, but I am willing to bet that there conversation went much differently about that same subject, and were now exploring that anal sex to its full pleasurable experience.  Now I will close with telling you this, we can all be guilty of putting pressure on someone when we want an answer to something.  Most of us still find that patience escapes us from time to time, including myself.  I offer you this, it is better to wait even if you think you have, then to ask too soon and make them feel forced.

As always,

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven

Monday, February 13, 2012

Topics

I am always looking for topics to write on.  If you have something on your mind, a question that you have wanted answered, or a topic that you wish there was more info out there.  Please feel free to comment here, write me at kinkyasiam@gmail.com, or use the anonymous submission box to the right of this post.

Hope to hear from you!

Keep it kinky,

-Haven

Keep on dating, even after marriage.

Have you ever seen those couples that even after years still look like they just met, they still make you want to puck at how sweet they are together.  Why is that?  How have they kept the fires burning for so long?

One part, I am willing to bet, is that even though they have been together, or even married, that they still go out on dates with each other.  They may not call it a date, but they make time for each other each week.  They take the time to make sure that they, as a couple, is important and make time to be that couple.

Now this does not have to be something expensive.  I have know couples that simply go for a walk in a park, or make a night out of fast food and a movie.  The point is not what you do, but that you do it.

So with the the day of red tomorrow, make it V-day each week by continuing to date your SO.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The why of relationships...

If you thought I was going to just hand you the key, sorry...

However, I do want to write about why people should think more about the why.  Why are you getting into this relationship or why are you in it?  Why, if your unhappy, are you still in it?

I think that we sometimes don't take the time to stop and think about this before we get into some relationships.  We are enjoying whatever it is that we have with that person, run with it, and then end up in a relationship that we are unhappy in and do not know why we got with that person.  I feel this can be avoided if we do two things.  One is to know what we want in a relationship, and next to ask why we want to be in this relationship.  If they match, then you have a better likelihood of that relationship lasting.

I wish I could give you a lost of good reasons to be in a relationship, but because each person is different, and looks for different things out of their relationship.  So take some time and find out what you want in a relationship.

Keep it kinky,

-Haven

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A good article from the BBC

A nice article on BDSM from the BBC.


They give some good points, granted from the point of view from across the pond.

Keep it kinky,

-Haven

Saturday, January 28, 2012

US Mandates full payment of birth control

I feel this is a big step for us as a country.  Now, all insurance companies must pay in full for birth control for woman.  About time, I say.

Here is one news story.

Keep it kinky,

-Haven

Best friends make the best relationships.

Have you ever seen or known those couples that have been together for a very long time?  Have you noticed how they still act like they just started dating?  I bet I can guess that before they were lovers that they were best friends.  I feel that this is because there is more to their relationship then just the physical or sexual attraction.  These are couples that have a foundation of common interests and caring that they then build the rest of the relationship on to.

When a relationship does not have that friendship as a foundation, then when issues arise within those that are the base, then it becomes easier to end that relationship.  If the relationship is based on sexual attraction, then when issues come up with sex, then the whole relationship is on the line.  Same goes for physical attraction, or any type of relationship.

So my advice is, when looking for a long term relationship, maybe you should take a look around your friends one more time.

Keep it kinky,

-Haven

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Not fear, Havens still here!

Have no fear readers, I just took a bit of time with the holidays to collect my thoughts and give me a game plan as to what I am going to write on this year and what direction I wanted to go this year.

I will be making some posts soon (like, within a week) but with the new semester starting I am trying to find teh schedule that works best for me.  I am going to go back to some relationship issues, as well as touch on some Dominance and submission issues, as well as some other fun topics like raising kids within an alternative lifestyle.

Also in the works, some short stories based around a very kinky night at a Renascence faire, as well as I am working on a card game based on seduction.  Still working out the rules, but I have the basic idea in my head.

So stay tuned, stay horny, and see more soon!

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Thursday, January 5, 2012

Thanks to the BoE

Thanks to the Board of Education in Detroit, for hosting my Sensual Sadist class this week.  They were a great crowd and I had a blast.  Looking forward to the possibility of heading back to that side of the state to some of the other classes and presenters they are having later this year.

Had some great questions asked that have me thinking of more blogs and info to share.  Keep an eye out for more about my younger years and how I was raised.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven