Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Setting the "Stage" for Intamacy

Like all great things in life, intimacy takes work.  Granted, there a times when it can come easy, but others it takes some time to put the gears in motion for it all to add up to get the best results.  In that respect, here are somethings that you can do to increase the chances that when the time is right that you both will be in the mood for fun.

Lets start with the bedroom.  Now I am in full support of having intimate fun anywhere (just don't get arrested), however most people keep most of their sexual interactions to the bedroom.  I like to look at the bedroom as the stage upon which we all perform our hot rhythmic dance of desire.  No one wants to dance in a cluttered room, so take the time to make sure that your bedroom is clear of clutter and clean.  No one wants to look over the bed when your changing positions and see the pile of dirty underwear (the ones you just stripped off and are now hanging from the ceiling fan is an exception).

Also, remove any distractions like laptops, ipads, cell phones, or other devices.  In fact, leave them out of the bedroom so your not even tempted to grab it and update your status when you head to bed ("Heading to bed, and boytoy just won't stop kissing my neck").  

Now I am not one for decorating or fung-no, however, I do know that when the bed made with a nice comforter and pillows makes the "stage" more inviting.  Even grab one of those bed skirts to cover those dirty legs and dust bunnies under the bed.  Find someway to make your bed a place that you want to go.  Personally, I like to use red tones for I find that they bring out the passion.

I have mentioned that stress being carried to bed can put a crimp in intimacy.  Anything that you can do to lower that stress, relax, and put the say aside before you head to the bedroom will always better the chances that both of you will want to get your dirty groove on.  If you enjoy yoga or meditate, then try doing a little before heading to the performance space.  Remember the old line that a massage is just a massage?  Its funny because its true, as we become relaxed, those worries and stress leave our minds.  This makes room for other thoughts to fill that space and we all feel the mood more.

Until next time, keep it kinky!

-Haven

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

"Cruising" Article from Good Vibes

An interesting read, about that look that is longer then a glance but shorter then a stare.  I found it very interesting to read.


The Single Girl’s Guide to Cruising



Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Saturday, February 25, 2012

An update

Just so you all know, I have been doing a lot more writing as of late, and I hope to have more blogs up soon but life has been very busy.  With teaching classes, taking classes, and raising a family.

Be on the look out for some erotica that I have been working on be published some time in the next few months, some new classes to be posted, as well as hopefully some photos from recent classes that I have done.  Things have been busy for me, and now we are getting ready for another season of faires and conventions.

No to life, and I will be keeping it kinky!

-Haven

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Advice, feelings, and misplaced emotions.

All of us, at some point, have given advice to someone else.  It could have been on what car to buy, how to play a game, or like me, on relationships.  Now most of the time, this is done with a thank you and you move on.  However, sometimes, you can give advice to someone, and when it might end up that things still don't work.

In some of these cases, I have seen the anger of things not working be turned on the person that gave the advice.  Only in bad TV sitcoms do you have people that give you bad advice just to watch you fail.  In most cases the advice was given with the desire for the other to succeed.  Turning your anger on the person that tried to help is just stupid.  In most cases, the advice was not what brought about the problem, or maybe there was more to the problem then the person giving the advice knew.

The end all is that the advice was given in the hopes of making things better, not worse.  This should be kept in mind and to take out anger on the person that gave the it will also make them very reluctant to ever help again.  The choice to take the advice was up to that person.  When it comes to advice, for me, trust your gut.  If someone tells you to cut out that load baring wall, trust your gut...

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Forced Decisions

I have spent a lot of time talking about what you can do to make you relationship better, so I think its time to talk a bit about the things that I feel you should not do within a relationship.  One things I feel can hurt a relationship the worst is to force a decision.  By this I mean those cases where you ask someone something, like maybe to try something new in bed, and then you hound them about it, or talk about it endlessly, or bring it up everyday asking if they have made a decision.

Things take time, especially when dealing with feelings and emotions.  There are many times when someone is open to an idea until they are faced with it becoming reality, then they find themselves facing some skeletons they did not know they had hiding in the back of there subconsciousness closet.  When thinking through these emotions and feelings, they must come to a conclusion on there own, and any pressure, no matter how well intended, can feel like the world is crashing down.

Most times in my experience, if any outside pressure is given to someone thinking through some personal issues, or even taking time to really think about they are ready to try or do something, that the outcome is always negative.  From saying no and possible feeling that same way about it for a long time after, or they will jump into something they really do not want to do, or have felt pressured to so, and will have feelings of resentment about it.

As an example, I give you the following true story, with the names removed.  I was having a drink with some friends associates when the topic came round to spicing things up in the bedroom.  One male took this time to voice that he was pissed off over an ex-girlfriend of his.  As it turns out, they had broken up about a year ago, and had remained friends-ish and still hung out in the same circle of friends.  he goes on to say that when they were together he had talked to her about trying anal sex.  They went on to try it once, and after she told him that she hated it and would never do it again.  Now I don't know exactly how he found out, but he had found out that this ex-girlfriend and her new SO were having anal sex.

He said that he was pissed because she had said she would never do it again, but here she was doing it with him.  After talking and getting a few more details, it turns out that after he had brought it up the first time, the he would ask her every time they were intimate if she would try it, and by then end it was almost everyday.  When I (and a few others around the table) pointed out that she had simply given into him to make him shut up about it, that she felt pressured into doing it, and there for it really didn't matter if it was good or bad, she hated it for being made to feel she had to do it to get him off her back about it.

Now I don't know the ex or her new SO, but I am willing to bet that there conversation went much differently about that same subject, and were now exploring that anal sex to its full pleasurable experience.  Now I will close with telling you this, we can all be guilty of putting pressure on someone when we want an answer to something.  Most of us still find that patience escapes us from time to time, including myself.  I offer you this, it is better to wait even if you think you have, then to ask too soon and make them feel forced.

As always,

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven

Monday, February 13, 2012

Topics

I am always looking for topics to write on.  If you have something on your mind, a question that you have wanted answered, or a topic that you wish there was more info out there.  Please feel free to comment here, write me at kinkyasiam@gmail.com, or use the anonymous submission box to the right of this post.

Hope to hear from you!

Keep it kinky,

-Haven

Keep on dating, even after marriage.

Have you ever seen those couples that even after years still look like they just met, they still make you want to puck at how sweet they are together.  Why is that?  How have they kept the fires burning for so long?

One part, I am willing to bet, is that even though they have been together, or even married, that they still go out on dates with each other.  They may not call it a date, but they make time for each other each week.  They take the time to make sure that they, as a couple, is important and make time to be that couple.

Now this does not have to be something expensive.  I have know couples that simply go for a walk in a park, or make a night out of fast food and a movie.  The point is not what you do, but that you do it.

So with the the day of red tomorrow, make it V-day each week by continuing to date your SO.

Keep it kinky!

-Haven

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

The why of relationships...

If you thought I was going to just hand you the key, sorry...

However, I do want to write about why people should think more about the why.  Why are you getting into this relationship or why are you in it?  Why, if your unhappy, are you still in it?

I think that we sometimes don't take the time to stop and think about this before we get into some relationships.  We are enjoying whatever it is that we have with that person, run with it, and then end up in a relationship that we are unhappy in and do not know why we got with that person.  I feel this can be avoided if we do two things.  One is to know what we want in a relationship, and next to ask why we want to be in this relationship.  If they match, then you have a better likelihood of that relationship lasting.

I wish I could give you a lost of good reasons to be in a relationship, but because each person is different, and looks for different things out of their relationship.  So take some time and find out what you want in a relationship.

Keep it kinky,

-Haven