Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Forced Decisions

I have spent a lot of time talking about what you can do to make you relationship better, so I think its time to talk a bit about the things that I feel you should not do within a relationship.  One things I feel can hurt a relationship the worst is to force a decision.  By this I mean those cases where you ask someone something, like maybe to try something new in bed, and then you hound them about it, or talk about it endlessly, or bring it up everyday asking if they have made a decision.

Things take time, especially when dealing with feelings and emotions.  There are many times when someone is open to an idea until they are faced with it becoming reality, then they find themselves facing some skeletons they did not know they had hiding in the back of there subconsciousness closet.  When thinking through these emotions and feelings, they must come to a conclusion on there own, and any pressure, no matter how well intended, can feel like the world is crashing down.

Most times in my experience, if any outside pressure is given to someone thinking through some personal issues, or even taking time to really think about they are ready to try or do something, that the outcome is always negative.  From saying no and possible feeling that same way about it for a long time after, or they will jump into something they really do not want to do, or have felt pressured to so, and will have feelings of resentment about it.

As an example, I give you the following true story, with the names removed.  I was having a drink with some friends associates when the topic came round to spicing things up in the bedroom.  One male took this time to voice that he was pissed off over an ex-girlfriend of his.  As it turns out, they had broken up about a year ago, and had remained friends-ish and still hung out in the same circle of friends.  he goes on to say that when they were together he had talked to her about trying anal sex.  They went on to try it once, and after she told him that she hated it and would never do it again.  Now I don't know exactly how he found out, but he had found out that this ex-girlfriend and her new SO were having anal sex.

He said that he was pissed because she had said she would never do it again, but here she was doing it with him.  After talking and getting a few more details, it turns out that after he had brought it up the first time, the he would ask her every time they were intimate if she would try it, and by then end it was almost everyday.  When I (and a few others around the table) pointed out that she had simply given into him to make him shut up about it, that she felt pressured into doing it, and there for it really didn't matter if it was good or bad, she hated it for being made to feel she had to do it to get him off her back about it.

Now I don't know the ex or her new SO, but I am willing to bet that there conversation went much differently about that same subject, and were now exploring that anal sex to its full pleasurable experience.  Now I will close with telling you this, we can all be guilty of putting pressure on someone when we want an answer to something.  Most of us still find that patience escapes us from time to time, including myself.  I offer you this, it is better to wait even if you think you have, then to ask too soon and make them feel forced.

As always,

Keep it Kinky!

-Haven

1 comment:

  1. I like this post. There is no bigger turn-off than to be hounded daily on something you're just not sure you want to do. For me, being dominated means that I willingly agree to submit, not be worn down by repetitive, sand-paper words. Excellent advice.
    mina

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