We all have connections in our lives, some are more intense then others. Some of those connections may only be a spark, while others will be etched in our souls for the rest of our lives. What we do with these connections is up to us. Some of the strongest connections we have are with our lovers. However, as life passes, and we move in and out of our we can forget those connections and let them slip to the way side. When the connection slip with our partner, so can the desire for intimacy. That is not to say that you can not have intimacy or sex without that connection.
So what is a connection, you may be asking. For me when it comes to relationships, it comes down to the why. Why we do things or not do things. When you look at someone, a celebrity, someone on the street, and you say to yourself "I want to fuck them" why do you think that? Do you want to fuck them for their pleasure or yours? Most likely this is said for your own pleasure. On the other cheek, when you have sex with someone you care about their pleasure is also on your mind. This is the difference when you have a connection with someone. When you have a connection, you do things for them because it will make them happy.
Now this is not to say that you can't have fun with someone that you do not have a connection, or even with someone that you have had a connection with that has waned. I will say that when the connection is there that what is a fun night for your own self pleasure with someone else can be come deeper, more fulfilling, and just might be the kind of attention that poetry is written about. A sexual connection has caused wars, just remember Cleopatra.
I hope this gives a you a little insight into connecting with your lover.
Keep it kinky!