Thursday, May 18, 2017

An Introduction

An Introduction

Kinky As We Are comprises of Haven deLancret and his girl Calla Lillie.  Starting back in 2002 after a weekend at an event, I had talked with many people and it seemed like every story I heard that weekend involved people's disappointment about relationships.  Sitting on a Monday after, I couldn’t get my mind off all these conversations.  Like any good geek, I turned to books and research, added my own thoughts and wrote advice blogs back on an ancient social media site called MySpace.  My first few posts got heaps of traffic and were shared by many friends.  This led to comments and messages outside of my friends circle.  I realized I needed to move this off my private page and into something public.  So here you are, Kinky As We Are was born.

Now before you continue reading there is one thing I wish to make absolutely clear. We are not doctors or psychiatrists. The advice and thoughts we share are our own take on these problems and should not be taken as anything more. We write about relationships, kinks, and sex because we like to and in sharing these thoughts have had others comment that it is good advice, or we had a good grasp of situations facing most couples and singles in today’s fast-paced world.

Haven deLancret was raised in a sexually open household (No, not the naked criminal kind), but my parents were open to talking about any problems I may have been having with sex or relationships. A lot of what they taught me growing up flavors what I now write today. Add in a personal need for information and desire to be great in bed (who doesn’t!) I have, and continue to research sex, fetishes, foreplay, relationships, massage, BDSM and anything else I could find that might help me in my quest. Some resources were great, most were not. In all this searching and researching I have found a lot of information did not present itself to make others want to know more.  I had always had a knack for presenting information if I felt I might help fill that gap.  

Calla Lillie was raised in a middle American home for most of her life where sex was talked a little but not embraced.  She had her wild time, like most, as a teenager where she found some things she liked but felt that there was something more.  The more was found when she met Haven in the early 2000s.  She then has taken to research and has gone in search of her own knowledge.  Exploring sex, BDSM, kink, and many others she has become another valuable resource.

Together, Haven and Calla share their knowledge and stories in an entertaining and enlightening way.  As with all things, your mileage may vary, and we are always open to new ideas.  We are firm believers in always learning and think of ourselves as perpetual student of life and relationships. So if you have info that you want, questions for us, or just want to say Hello, drop us a line!

Thank you and keep it kinky!

-Haven deLancret & Calla Lillie

24/7 BDSM Dynamics and Real Life

You walk in from a long day of work, your submissive is kneeling just inside the door naked, collared with a the lead to the leach in one palm and your favorite drink upon the other.  Sounds awesome, right? Until you realize that the old lady down the street walking her Pomeranian just had a heart attack and the dog is now charging you snarling.  Or maybe the issue is that the kids were also home from school looking at the two of you and you are now wondering how much their therapy bills are going cost you.  

We all have those dreams that we have constructed from years of books, movies or how we see someone else living the lifestyle that we want for ourselves.  However, there is this thing called life that just keeps rearing its ugly head getting in the way of making those ideals reality.  Now it's not to say that having those dreams, you should, but how do you get those dreams into reality is what I hope to help you with today.  

Let's start with the dream. What do you picture as your perfect 24 hours a day, seven days a week BDSM lifestyle?  In fact, I am going to tell you to write it down.  Doesn’t matter what side of the coin you're on either.  Master or slave, Dominant or submissive, if you're in a relationship both of you should separately write down what you picture as the picture perfect version.  Now I hear you ask in the back of your head “If I can have it, why should I share it?”  Yes you may not be able to have it all, but you can find ways to have parts of it and maybe even parts that you have already dismissed as unattainable.  

Now that you have your ideal relationship, break it down into bullet points or parts.  Look at each point and think about if you can do it.  If you are already in a relationship, talk about each point together and see if you can find a way to incorporate it. Tweak the idea and make it fit your situation.  As an example, let's go back to the opening.  Kneeling when you get home can't happen, but maybe it could at the end of the night when you both retire to the bedroom.  Have your submissive go the the room a little before the dominant.  Then when the dominant goes to bed, they get to open the bedroom door on their submissive kneeling and waiting for them.  When you're done you should have a list of BDSM protocols or rituals that you can use to sprinkle BDSM throughout your day.

Some of the ideas or points just will not be able, no matter how hard you try to be incorporated into your life and that's OK too.  Just don’t forget them.  Using the door kneeling example again, so you can’t find a way to make that work for the two of you on a daily base, make it a situational protocol, of for us we call it a High Protocol.  These we use when we take a trip, party, or event.  With the kneeling at the door, this could be used in a hotel room by letting sub get ready while the dominant goes out to get something from the car or for ice.  Another one we have used at play parties is to have the submissive set up the toys and area and then kneel when all was ready for the dominant to start the scene.  

Something else to keep in mind when you are working on your protocols is to not be upset if one of them can’t be incorporated.  Keep it in the list so that both you can maybe work it into your life later, but work hard not to blame, or make your partner feel bad because life just doesn’t allow for something.  Using the kneeling at the door again, if your sub has medical issues within their legs, kneeling might be right out no matter where.  It's not their fault, so it is unfair to hold that against them.

I would also suggest that you may use these protocols to start your contract or guidelines.  Having the expectations laid out in writing will help make sure that the expectations are known by everyone. Now I will also add that life changes, ebbs and flows like a river, so should your protocols.  So always feel free to revisit your protocols, modify them to your new life, maybe add some, or maybe some will have to be dropped to only special occasions.  

If you have gotten to the end of this and are asking yourself, Where are all the ideas of what to do I have purposely left them out.  Your ideal 24/7 relationship is as individualistic as rose petals (plus there are tons of lists out there).  That is up to you and what you want.  Each person is different and as such your dynamic will be different to.  Make it your own, and be proud of it.  

As always, keep it kinky!

-Haven deLancret & Calla Lillie

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Rebranding, Reworking, Reorganizing, a whole lot of Re-ing going on!

Good morning Vietnam! (or where ever you are.)

I just wanted to let all of you out there in the interwebs know that we here are not gone.  We did take a much needed break to focus on some life issues that needed our attention.

The first news worthy mention is the name change.  We are now Kinky As We Are.  Years ago when this project started it was something I was doing for myself.  Over the years, my girl Calla has become more and more an integral part this venture.  To that end, our new name represents that.  So please bare with us as we go through and rename everything and get it all sorted out.

Next, we have been hard at work here at the Rabbit Hole working on new material.  Keep an eye out for new class offerings, new blog posts and, well, NEW!!!

We will also be going over all our old posts. We have been doing sex and kink education for over a decade now and we want to update those posts with new information, clarifications and new insights that we have gleaned from these years.

So sit back, strap in, and keep your arms and legs inside at all times!

-Haven